disregard drugged-out looking eyes.
It crept in slowly, this whole feeling-so-so-SO-much-better thing. The last time I sobbed uncontrollably was at exactly 14 weeks, which was the day I reached my breaking point and decided that the first trimester was officially sucking my will to live. That dramatic crying session was over a bowl of vegetable curry, by the way. What the hell.
Perhaps the universe heard my sobs, though, because I officially feel like I’m on the other side of it now. This week I ate some slightly adventurous foods, had surprising amounts of energy and didn’t shed a single tear.
Then on Thursday we had our 16 week ultrasound, where the doctor 80% confirmed that Feezy is a boy! I wasn’t surprised at all, since I really have just known deep down from the beginning. Realizing that my gut feeling was probably right made me feel so happy and close to him already though. It’s just crazy that we’ve been calling him Feez since he was the size of a lentil and that might be what we’re calling him as an actual person. Here’s a video if you want to decide for yourself. Even with my non-expert eye, I’m thinking he looks like a definite BOY. This was my first abdominal ultrasound, which is a hell of a lot more comfortable than the vaginal one, so that rocked. My next one will be at 20 weeks.
Anyway, keeping this short and sweet because Hus and I are trying to tackle a bunch of things with our limited time on the internet today. We have 5 weeks left of school which feels like straight up torture since most of my other teacher friends in the states and Mexico are done in a week or so, but we are trying to use this time to appreciate Sayulita, eat excessive amounts of mangos (IT’S MANGO SEASON BITCHES!), work on our business and get rid of 50% of our belongings.
To conclude, some recent pictures:
Hus and I looked out our window to see this. Very safe strategy to keep this man from falling to his death.
From my trip last weekend to Monterrey, reuniting with my old students who are now headed to MIDDLE SCHOOL! They’re pretty crazy, but I still love them a lot.
Poqueta’s blinged out collar that she doesn’t wear for real because it’s too big (not to mention ridiculous and not to mention she never wears a collar) but she modeled it anyway.
This past week has been crazy-go-nuts in the best possible of ways. I flew to my old home of Monterrey, Mexico to visit friends and students there. I was nervous to travel at this point in my pregnancy since my nausea and lethargy have been, at times, intense. However, I think the fun distraction of travel was actually really good for me because I felt better than I have in weeks.
The entire weekend was non-stop visiting places I love and catching up with people I’ve missed, with some exercise thrown in (long, hot walks on the Calzada for some of the best dog and people watching around, plus a non-prenatal YogaGlo yoga class with Sarah that made my arms sore for two days).
Coming home to my amazing husband and vibrating-with-excitement chihuahua was also one of the best parts of the weekend. Hus had of course cleaned the whole house until it sparkled and grocery shopped while I was gone. Man, he is the best. Distance – in small doses anyway – makes the heart grow fonder for sure.
Anyway, this picture was taken a bit late, at 15.5 weeks, because of my travels. Tomorrow is actually 16 weeks (!!!) and I have an ultrasound! Haven’t seen Feezy since 12 weeks so to say I’m excited is an understatement. I’m also, of course, a little nervous, as all ultrasounds tend to make me, but I’m trying to go in with full throttle positivity because, hey, I have no reason not to.
As for the belly, more people around town are starting to go “Hey, you’re pregnant!” which is cool after feeling like a super bloated whale for weeks. Along with the small bump has also come some unwelcome comments/judgments from people, but I’m trying my best to take in stride, knowing it’s just the tip of the iceberg. What I’m focusing on instead – since happiness is a choice yo! – is how much my grandma loved the picture that I sent her of myself at 14 weeks. She said she can’t stop looking at it because I look so healthy and beautiful. AND THIS IS WHY GRANDMAS RULE and 95% of other people don’t.
Can’t wait to update you on how the ultrasound goes tomorrow. xoxo.
I don’t want to jinx anything, but I think I’m turning a corner here.
We just had a big Family Day party at our school and after my kids danced a ridiculously adorable dance and made three human pyramids, a bunch of food was served, including steak tacos. I instinctively shielded my eyes from the tacos, but then slowly realized that I didn’t actually feel grossed out. In fact, they looked and smelled delicious. Whaat?
So, I made a simple taco. Corn tortilla, steak (carne asada, specifically), guacamole, squeeze of lime, and… IT. WAS. DELICIOUS. I was in shock. I even went up for a second one.
Other than this earth-shattering news, there isn’t much to report here. I have been feeling the same level of nausea and exhaustion in general, but am hoping today was a sign that this will change as well.
Oh wait, just remembered. We went on a trip to a small little town in the mountains over the weekend and a random stranger in a restaurant knew I was pregnant! I was shocked that she could tell and was convinced Hus had told her while I was in the bathroom. But he had not. I felt really giddy about this.
In the picture up there I feel like I am showing, but at other times not so much. My belly is a bizarre optical illusion these days.
13 weeks – almost out of the first trimester!
Picture is blurry again. Oh well.
This is the first week where, in my eyes anyway (okay and probably my eyes ONLY), I look pregnant. I woke up on Thursday, looked in the mirror and could immediately see a huge difference in my stomach. It’s actually more pronounced if I suck in because my ribs compress yet the pooch refuses to be sucked. Anyway, people at school and on the street continue to not see but I KNOW WHAT’S UP and I like it.
Something I don’t like though? The fact that I threw up Wednesday morning. I’m THIS CLOSE to second trimester and still throwing up occasionally. Not okay. I had just eaten breakfast (Puffins cereal) then I walked a few blocks to meet Hus at the cafe where he was working since we had no school and he is working on his barista skills. Anyway, I started talking to the cafe owner’s wife when suddenly I got all uncomfortably hot and dizzy and had to bolt to the bathroom the throw up the cereal.
I thought that experience would ruin Puffins for me, which would be sad because they are one of the four foods I enjoy eating but also perhaps a positive thing because they are extremely expensive in Mexico. Later on that day, though, I craved Puffins. So I guess I’ll keep eating them.
I kind of hit a low point yesterday, realizing how long it had been since I’ve felt like myself. I sincerely try not to complain because I am, of course, SO unbelievably grateful to be pregnant. I also have to put myself in check because I know this is just the beginning, too. I mean, come on, if I think THIS discomfort is bad, am I ready to deal with a newborn? Let’s not answer that question.
All that being said, allow me to vent just a little. For me, the first trimester has felt like a constant hangover: always somewhat nauseous, all foods slightly suspect and precarious to put in my stomach, constantly exhausted to the point of needing a daily three hour nap and breathless from the most slight amount of physical activity. I told Hus yesterday that I truly didn’t understand how women could not know they were pregnant in their first trimester because, if I didn’t know I was pregnant right now, I would be sure that I had some type of auto-immune disease and would be in my doctor’s office so fast.
I don’t miss things like alcohol or coffee or raw fish or whatever. I just miss being able to eat normal foods here in Mexico. We were out yesterday and I became nauseous with hunger, yet I was surrounded by Mexican food which just the thought of made my stomach churn more. I have never been a picky eater, especially when it comes to Mexican food, since it’s been a favorite of mine. So I just wanted to scream WHAT THE HELL TUMMY?!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!? I’m sure all the hormonal changes aren’t helping my emotional ability to deal, either.
Okay, rant over, as I feel ridiculous/guilty complaining. I just hope that what everyone says is true and that the second trimester brings some relief because I want to feed my baby properly, perhaps with some vegetables and protein for once, and to feel at least a little more like Carly again.
Off to do some yoga, which always brings me a little closer to feeling like myself. Much love to all.