"when all your desires are distilled; you will cast just two votes: to love more, and be happy" -hafiz

Monthly Archives: June 2013

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So my aunt is right: You can totally see my nipples in these pictures. Do I care? No, not really. But it is good for me to notice anyway so that I don’t wear this shirt to school. The adjustment from going to no boobs at all to SOME minimal boobs has been funny. I’m so used to never, ever wearing a bra and throwing on whatever shirt I want with liberated boobs underneath that it’s weird to notice in the mirror sometimes now, “Oh snap, that’s a nipple.” Has this happened after I’m already at work a few times? Yes. Am I grateful we have a very lackadaisical dress code at my school? Oh yes. There’s another teacher whose entire stomach is showing 80% of the time so whatever, I still look like a nun compared to her.

Anyway, not much dramatic change in belly size from 19 to 20 weeks, which makes me feel a little bit more relaxed about the growth rate going on. Perhaps I won’t be a veritable house by the end after all.

Husein and I spent the entire day yesterday packing up our house and giving away of 50% of our possessions. IT FELT SO GOOD. We still have a week and a half left here and are now surrounded by boxes and living out of suitcases though. Hmm. Perhaps we got overzealous a little prematurely. The thing is, we now only have one weekend left here, which also happens to be my birthday weekend (I turn 28 this Friday, June 28th!) and I really didn’t want to spend that weekend grouchily packing. So it was in our best interest to get it over with this past weekend. Neither of us thought we’d be quite as productive as we were, but hey, we’ve moved at least 10 times in the past 6 years so we’re semi-professionals at this point. We also both found getting rid of things to be hella therapeutic, which fueled us to keep going. Still can’t be sure that everything will fit in our very small Honda Civic, but Hus is a jenga-master when it comes to packing, utilizing every and I mean EVERY crevice, so I think we’ll manage.

Have a beautiful week!

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Hus viciously hates these pants, which makes wearing them even more enjoyable for me.

At some point when I stop sweating I might take the official 20 weeks picture in our house – I know you’re missing my tie dye bike shorts – but it’s hard to accomplish anything in our apartment right now. I have literally been doing everything in slow motion for survival. Our one weak ceiling fan gives no relief from the 90 degrees plus 85% HUMIDITY that is wreaking havoc on my life. Maybe if I weren’t pregnant I’d be more resilient. Probably not though. I can tell I actually feel pretty good, or I would feel pretty good if I could just stop sweating.

Thankfully, I have an air conditioning unit in my classroom. This is honestly the only way I make it through the week. I love this air conditioner more than I love Hus or Poqueta right now. If it weren’t at the tippy top of my ceiling, I would kiss it. I try not to use it too intensely because I’m so terrified of it dying. Things at our school, once broken, stay broken. I’ll put it on for 30 minutes then off for 30 minutes. Keeps me and the kids cool.

So Thursday was our 20 week ultrasound! Everything was measuring perfectly and Feez looked great. It is now 100% certain he is a boy! My doctor couldn’t believe how much my belly had grown since 16 weeks. I must admit that the 20 week ultrasound is altogether less exciting than the earlier ones since you can really only see blurry pieces of the body  on the screen rather than the whole baby jumping around. Still crazy to see how much he has changed though, and to see through his skin to his brain, heart and bones! The doctor told me my placenta was anterior, meaning it’s at the front of my uterus, which is why I haven’t been feeling much movement. This was actually comforting to me because I thought there was something wrong. I’ve only felt very occasional jabs, kind of on the side. I’ve read that as he gets bigger I’ll be able to feel more, which I hope is true.

But at least I know now that when my student punched me in the belly the other day, he hit my placenta and not the baby! Yup, my 6 year old student punched me. He punches everything and everyone near constantly, but I’m pretty sure punching a fetus has been his all time low. The most sociopathic part is that afterwards he cackled and said, “What do you think the baby’s doing now?!” Yikes. If you knew the cast of little boy characters in my 1st and 2nd grade class, you would understand why I’m starting to grow anxious about having a boy. They range from aggressive and physically abusive (okay, just that one kid fits in that category) to extremely impulsive and lacking all self-control (him and all the rest pretty much) or just hyper-competitive and obsessed with being the best at all times. I’m so over it.

The only thing that gives me hope is that being a teacher has made me strict as hell with kids and Hus and I have both discussed that no matter how awesome and perfect we think our kids are, we need to be just as strict as parents as we are as teachers. The reason the boys in my class are so out of control is obvious as soon as their parents come pick them up. Their mom or dad will say, “Hey sweetie, get your backpack,” and the kid will respond “No, you get it!” and then throw their homework folder at their parent and go tearing out of the room towards the swings, while the mom or dad sighs and digs through their cubby for their stuff. I stand there literally horrified. I can’t even tell you how many conversations I’ve had with these parents about fostering more independence in their kids and following through with their consequences, but little has changed and I do find it incredibly uncomfortable to give parenting advice when I myself don’t even have kids.

I just read the much talked about parenting book, “Bringing up Bebe” in two days and while I have a lot of thoughts that I will write about later, the part I could really get down with was about the importance of saying no and meaning it. My first year of teaching, I didn’t know how to say no with conviction and went through hell because of it. I realized a few months in that I had to change, but just as the French parents talk about in the book, it’s much easier to loosen the screw than tighten it. Now I’ve learned to start the year extremely strict, overly strict really, without budging on anything no matter how persistent the kids are. Then you can loosen up and be more loving and all that later, but not until after the boundaries are clear. I know it must be different and far more challenging to do with your own kids. I totally couldn’t care less if I make one of my students cry these days, it’s just part of the territory as far as I’m concerned, but I’m sure making my own kid cry will be hard. But I hope I have the strength to do it if I have to, because I refuse to send my kid out into the world acting as inappropriately as some of my students do. The book is right in saying that kids that always get what they want are unhappy, because they expect the world always to work easily for them and that’s not the reality. You can’t always be afraid of hurting their feelings.

How did I get off on this tangent? Oh yeah, my uterus getting punched. Anyway, let me give the last of my 20 week update before I’m off to one of the many end of the year parties that are happening in these final school days. I’ve been finding it super easy to eat healthy right now. I’ve actually been craving fruit and vegetables more than anything. I’ve only gained 2 lbs since pre-pregnancy, probably because the heat puts a damper on my appetite a bit. Pretty sure once I’m in the states I’ll gain steadily, especially since second half of pregnancy is when I hear the 1 lb a week gets going on. I can’t wait to eat ALL THE FOOD IN THE UNITED STATES AND GERMANY!!!!!

I’ve been doing 30 minutes of yoga a day, usually my own flow or a vinyasa class on YogaGlo but they feel more like Bikram in the intense heat of my apartment. Today I miraculously managed to get through a 1 hr Kathryn Budig class on YogaGlo (gosh I missed her) with a few modifications of course. I’m still avoiding the pre-natal yoga on YogaGlo because it’s just too boring. When I had no energy in the first trimester I did them, but now they’re not for me. Later on I’ll probably come back to them, though.

Okay, off to this party which is supposed to be a pool party but the sky just got alarmingly gray. Paired with this unbearable humidity are daily thunderstorms of the monsoon variety. Never a dull moment here.

So much love!!

P.S. Forgot to post on here the comparison picture I put together this past week, which blew my mind:

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Looking my best after throwing up like crazy. UGH.

Not exactly sure why I threw up, as the whole morning sickness phase has been over for weeks and it’s not a bug or food poisoning (THANK GOODNESS) because the nausea hasn’t returned. Perhaps it was the 5 hours in the car driving on curvy roads this morning, while trying without success to get comfortable with my growing belly and that  seatbelt which has no comfortable position on my body plus a chihuahua that wanted to be burrowed in all my crevices.

Yeah, it was probably that.

Aside from today, I have been feeling great! As great as you can feel in intense heat and humidity and relentlessly brutal sunshine with no air conditioning, anyway. Summer is in full effect here in Mexico, which means (as my friend put it who has lived here for 20 years): the air is hot and we won’t feel a cool breeze until November. A terrifying thought, which makes the fact that we’re moving away in three weeks very exciting.

I haven’t been feeling much movement from the Feez, which makes me anxious as hell. However, today, post-vomiting session, I felt three distinct jabs which tells me a) he’s there and b) he’s not a fan of me throwing up. You and me both, kid.

This Thursday will be my 20 week (!!) ultrasound, which means I’ll be halfway there! Crazy! While it has gone fast, I also can’t believe I have that much longer to go because I feel big big BIG already. It took so long to start showing in the first place that I never expected it to be so WOOOSH when it started to grow, but it really has. I’ve always felt like my stomach looked a little pregnant, so I seriously feel like once this whole thing started my tummy was just like oh yeah? Pregnant? I can do that shape, been practicing against your wishes forever Carly, let’s do this.

And, bam. Big belly.

This is also why I don’t think I’ll need to buy any maternity clothes. Literally 90% of my wardrobe is maternity friendly. My love for flowy shirts and stretchy pants and skirts is really paying off right now. I am seriously considering being super stubborn and not buying anything just to see if I can pull it off.

Anyway, it’s our one year anniversary today so I’ve been feeling all kinds of nostalgic about our amazing wedding day.

ImageThe actual day (all the days actually, considering we had 5 different wedding events including all the indian parts) couldn’t have been more perfect and I’m happy to report that the first year of marriage was actually better than the 5 years of dating/engagement that came before it. A lot of people warned us that things would get harder post-marriage, I guess with that feeling of SHIT I CAN’T LEAVE NOW or something, but that wasn’t the case at all for us. Things have been much more relaxed, actually. And we spend an inordinate amount of time together since this year we work together, too. I constantly think about the fact that 99% of people would annoy the hell out of me if I were with them this much, my own family included. I’m pretty freaking lucky to have this guy.

Anyway, now people are giving the same advice with regards to the baby, about what a strain it will put on the relationship. I’m not saying it won’t happen, I’ve certainly accepted the possibility, but I’m also learning to take all this advice with a grain of salt.

Okay, hoping to semi-celebrate our anniversary tonight despite my funky stomach. Much love.


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17 weeks

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Okay, so I took the 17 weeks picture LATE, really at 17.5 weeks, and then the 18 week pic was more true to time which means this growth really only happened in about 4 days. Crazy. Also crazy is the fact that I feel unbelievably good. I hope I’m not jinxing myself by admitting this, but as of late I’ve had NO nausea, almost all foods taste decent again (except some meat, chicken and fish which I’m still a little picky with, but I can eat them) and I have much more energy. After school I take a nap but it’s not even totally necessary now, it’s more just because that time of day is unbelievably hot so there’s nothing better to do than listen to old episodes of This American Life and doze off. I am doing 30-60 minutes/day of yoga, too.

Since the heat and humidity are hovering around 100 degrees here, I have basically been living on homemade smoothies with hella fat (coconut milk, coconut butter, almond butter, frozen strawberries, wild banana, cacao powder), fruits like mango, papaya, tuna (not the fish, it’s a cactus fruit), ciruela… oh, and popcorn. And falafel and hummus, since there’s an amazing falafel joint here.

Sorry for the infrequent posts. The internet at our school has been out and since we don’t have it at home we really rely on doing internet stuff at school. Right now I’m at an outdoor cafe in the plaza by our house for the wifi, where Poqueta is getting continually harassed by assorted local kids, including many of my students. We have a bunch of friends from Monterrey coming in today, so I should probably get going. I also need to find something to eat. It’s funny how if I didn’t eat first thing in the morning before I would die of nausea, and now I can go the first four hours of the day without eating, no problem. THANK YOU BODY FOR BEING NORMAL-ISH AGAIN!!!

LOVE to all!