"when all your desires are distilled; you will cast just two votes: to love more, and be happy" -hafiz

Monthly Archives: August 2013


Things said to me this week:

“You’re about to give birth, right?!!” -woman who looked horrified 5 seconds later when I said ‘um no, NOVEMBER.’

“Looks like you’re carrying a boy.” -everyone and their mom

“ARE YOU PREGNANT?” -8 year old boy… I told him no.

“You look adorable!!!” -jogging woman who I wanted to give a hug

“That big tummy… that little dog…. that’s just too much.” -neighbor lady

This picture wasn’t really taken at 29 weeks, more like 29.5 because Hus aka my personal photographer has been in Colorado for the past 5 days. I’m so happy to have him back home. Pokey is even more excited.

It has actually been an eventful week pregnancy-wise! First of all, I found out I failed my stupid glucose tolerance test (had to get below 140, I got 145) so yesterday I went in for the 3 hr — though it took 4 — follow-up. Fasted. Got blood drawn. Drank sickly sweet flat orange soda stuff. Felt nauseous/dizzy for an hour. Got blood drawn. Played with my phone for an hour. Got blood drawn again. Read my book for an hour. Got blood drawn again. Drove home feeling so weak that I didn’t even trust myself behind the wheel. Blah. Tried to get a salad but the line was so long at the salad place that I knew I’d faint while waiting, so just went home and ate cottage cheese. Then napped. The test basically threw away the whole day, and my arms are bruised from all the blood tests, BUT it’s for Feez so who cares. I better have passed, though. I figure since I only failed the first test by 5 points it’s pretty unlikely that I have gestational diabetes, right? We’ll see soon.

Anyway, I also had my first ultrasound in the USA and wow wow WOW was it different than the ultrasounds in Mexico. The machine that my doctor in Mexico used might have been from the 1980s and kind of just showed the baby as an amorphous baby blob. This machine showed every detail of Feez’s body, and she measured EVERYTHING. It was amazing to see, honestly. My mom and I (Hus was in Colorado, such a shame he missed this one) had our jaws dropped the whole time. And then, without any warning, at the very end she did the 4D image of his face.


Covering his eyes with his hands. In utero peek-a-boo.

Honestly, had I been asked to have this done I would have said no, but once I saw it I felt overwhelmingly happy. Sometimes it’s hard to believe there’s a real baby in there, and while all these little things (belly growing, stronger movements, ultrasounds) make it feel more tangible, seeing his face gave me this sudden, intense feeling of THIS IS AN ACTUAL BABY! INSIDE OF ME!!

Anyway, the doctor that looked over the ultrasound said everything looked good with Feez which was a relief. They approximated his weight at 3 lbs right now. Then the next day I saw my midwife to review everything. She was very pleased that his head is down. She weighed and measured me to find out I had gained 5 lbs in 2 weeks and my fundal measurement was suddenly 2 weeks ahead. Geez, no wonder my body has been all achy.

I found a really pretty trail close to our house where I have been walking/jogging. It’s surreal because I’m used to running and then sprinting in intervals (2 min run, 1 min spring) and now I mostly walk and occasionally super slow jog for like one block, and yet it feels more intense than my sprinting days.

Despite my daily yoga and other forms of activity plus good quality sleep with my beloved snoogle, my back has been hurting a lot. I went to acupuncture on Sunday in search of some relief. I felt amazing while there and for the rest of the day, but it was back the next day. I wish I could do acupuncture more often because it feels so freaking good. Apparently close to the end, there are special things they can do to help you go into labor, so I want to go semi-consistently until then.

Speaking of back pain, it’s throbbing too much to sit on the computer anymore. Much love!



Okay, not sure why this picture is so blurry, but you get the idea.

Anyway, I’m happy to report that I’m feeling MUCH better than last week! My body is less sore and I generally feel less whale-like. I mean, I still feel huge compared to my normal self but I’m not waddling around like I felt like I had to last week. In retrospect, I think the humidity and constant activity of last week is to blame. The cool weather is back here in Philly (YAY!) and things are generally more quiet.

Things that have been awesome over here:


Celebrating my dad’s birthday with a huge tray of meat at an awesome restaurant in Fishtown called Fette Sau (Fat Pig in German I believe… very appropriate name).


Then my mom flew to Missouri to hang with Grandma, so Hus and I have been cooking. The empty chair at the table means Poqueta has a place.


I bought a stuffed animal of Pokey for the baby and Pokey pretty much fell in love. Not sure if I’ll be able to give this to Feez after all.


Pokey also loves loves LOVES the Snoogle. I keep finding her nuzzled into it.


I discovered that these jeans still fit and are comfortable. Granted, they have always had a little give in the waist, but I’m still amazed. Project buy zero maternity clothes is still going strong! Think I can make it to the end?


Not sure how much longer I can get away with wearing this non-maternity dress though. When I put it on to go to our friend Shea’s apartment, Hus said, “You’re wearing THAT?” Then I gave him death glare. You know what? I’m going to wear what I can while I can because lord knows my days are numbered.

I never found an appropriately fancy and inexpensive maternity dress for the upcoming three weddings. When my mom gets back from Missouri I hope to drag her out with me to search again.

We really need to start buying some baby stuff. We basically have nothing and I’m so overwhelmed by the thought of it all that I keep putting it off, telling myself we want to be minimalists regarding baby purchases anyway. Pretty sure this means we’ll be totally screwed at like 38 weeks and in a panic will run out and buy a bunch of things we don’t need and pay more than we should. That sounds like our style.

Anyway, this Thursday I get my first ultrasound in the USA. I’m actually a little nervous about it, since they’ll be measuring things I’ve never had measured. Then I see the midwives again on Friday. I’ll let you know how it all goes.

I have been doing a lot of research about childbirth out of genuine curiosity/fear. I  am currently reading a book called Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born and it is equal parts fascinating and horrifying. I also read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and Easy Labor (which is an underwhelming read). I also watched, for the second time, The Business of Being Born – which I found to be extremely well made. I love the fact that the film maker herself gets an emergency C-section, because the film manages to effectively respect hospitals for what they do while still advocating for natural childbirth. I can’t say the same for the other documentary I rented, called Pregnant in America which was a complete waste of time. The male filmmaker somehow made his wife’s pregnancy all about him (!?) and he is SO anti-hospital that it just makes his whole pro-natural childbirth argument less credible.

Far from educational, I also read Jenny McCarthy’s absurd book Belly Laughs which made me feel like I was having the easiest pregnancy on planet earth because man, was she a freaking train wreck. Her birth story is basically the worst thing I’ve ever read. However, it didn’t make me any more anxious about labor. I oddly found it kind of helpful to read, like a what-not-to-do guide.

Okay time to walk the pup. This blog post is evidence of how in love I am with my dog. I know. I think I’ve been showering her with even more love than usual since I know, come November, her life will change dramatically.

much love.


Kinda sorta feeling like I freaking blew up this week.

All of a sudden, even with my daily yoga, my back hurts like crazy. I don’t have the stamina to walk all day, as I tried to do yesterday in Washington DC. I felt like I had gotten a lot bigger and then stepped on the scale to confirm my suspicions. The number actually made my jaw drop.

I want to embrace weight gain, especially since on Friday the midwife told me I should expect to gain at least 10 more lbs, but I was hoping it would be a little more gradual than this. I don’t even feel like I’m suddenly eating that much more, so what gives? Maybe I’m retaining water?

Anyway, let me focus on the positive right now. I had my first appointment with a midwife at the birth center where I plan to deliver, and everything is progressing normally. I need to get a bunch of bloodwork and an updated ultrasound in order to be fully transferred into their practice, which I’ll do this week.

After a week of nice, cool weather, Philadelphia is now super muggy and hot which I am not a big fan of. Still haven’t turned the air conditioner on to sleep but I have a feeling I’ll need it soon, considering I keep waking up sweaty and uncomfortable.

Anyway, my friend Sarah is still visiting from Canada so I’m off to show her Philadelphia and hopefully find an appropriate fancy maternity dress that I can wear to all three weddings I have coming up in the next month! Ah!


I’m back from Berlin and that means back to forcing Hus to take more “official” belly pics in my awesome outfit that is looking progressively awkward on me.


The lighting and green paint in my parents’ house is not nearly as flattering as the natural sunlight and bright blue walls of our apartment in Sayulita. I’m really not all that sickly looking in real life (I don’t think) though it does seem I am about 50% less tan all of sudden, right upon stepping foot outside of Mexico.

Here are miniature versions of all my pictures so far put together. Image

So exactly one month of the pictures were taken on the road, so to speak. It’s pretty obvious which ones are those. It was apparently a month of serious growth because that 21 week picture (right before the red dress pic) next to my most recent pic is a stark difference. I’m definitely feeling the growth now, too. Getting out of bed or up from the couch often makes me feel like a beached whale.

I’m trying to combat this beached whale feeling by keeping as active as possible. This meant walking ~10 miles a day in Berlin (not exactly by choice but it’s a big city and we were determined to see everything) and doing my own little yoga flow each morning in our apartment. Since getting here to Philly, I’ve kept up the daily yoga with 30-60 minutes each day.

Now that we are here and finally unpacked and settled, I feel like I need to get serious with preparing for Feez. I’m trying not to feel totally overwhelmed. This coming Friday is my first appointment at the birth center where I hope to be giving birth. It will feel good to get started there, since establishing a relationship with some of the midwives and getting a feel for their practice will help the reality of this set in.

On the plane I made a very bare bones list of things we need to buy/put on our registry. Then I got here to the internet to look some specific things up and was shocked by how crazy expensive baby stuff is. However, looking on Craigslist and getting advice from my friend Kari about solid local consignment shops made me feel a little less panicky.

Pokey also makes me feel less panicky. I can’t even explain how happy I was to be reunited with her after 2 weeks without her in Berlin. I started crying. I was very happy to see Hus also, obviously, when I saw him at the airport, but I didn’t cry when I saw him. What’s up with that?

ImageAnyway, I really need to remember the whole purpose of this blog which was to LOVE MORE and BE HAPPY throughout pregnancy. I think I’ve been doing a decent job actually, but now that shit is gettin’ a little more real it’s easy to fall into psycho, anxious, control freak mode. I’m not going to do it though.

I think each day I’ll focus on something specific I can love more and something, big or small, that is making me happy.

So first, to love more? My body. I adore my belly because it’s holding Feez, but sometimes I’m a little down on the fact that my thighs and arms seem to be growing exponentially too. And that’s hella dumb. My body is doing super amazing things and needs to be appreciated, not judged.

The thing that is making me happy is my new SNOOGLE! Yes, that really silly shaped big ass body pillow for pregnancy has totally revolutionized my life. Hus wants one too. Between the Snoogle and the low humidity here in Philly, I’m sleeping better than I have in my whole pregnancy. Yay.

Speaking of which, it’s definitely my bedtime aka snoogle-time. Much love.