okay my two most recent dreams are just too weird to not document.

up until the past two nights i had had only one baby/childbirth dream. that first one was very early on, maybe 10 weeks, and i dreamed that i gave birth to a chihuahua. of course i had this dream. the details were just too much though. i was in a hospital, but since it was only a chihuahua and not a real baby the staff forced me to stand in the hallway without a bed or any type of medical attention. i felt like it was a huge injustice and that me and my baby chihuahua were being discriminated against. i distinctly remember cradling the little newborn chihuahua, all alone, thinking “this is not what i expected at all, but i will still love you just the same.” hahaha. super creepy right? but also makes sense because if you know me in real life, you know that my husband and i have kind of done the whole attachment parenting thing with our chihuahua. we’re unhealthily invested in her at times. so of course my brain relates the parenting of her with our new baby.

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baby poqueta, hopefully the only newborn chihuahua i’ll ever have. 

anyway, my subconsciousness hadn’t cared about the pregnancy at all since that dream (or at least i hadn’t remembered any dreams that i had). that is, until two nights ago when i had another childbirth dream nightmare:

so, i was able to have a natural, drug-free, vaginal birth… but it happened in a closet somewhere and was so intense that i completely blacked out during it. so the dream starts and i know that i’ve just gone through labor but remember none of it and there is no baby around, but lots of commotion/people running around. someone is holding a bucket with my placenta in it and they make me look at it against my will. i am very stressed out thinking a) where is my baby?!! and b) why do i remember nothing of labor?! i kept asking the people around what the labor was like, what i was doing during it, how long it took, how the baby was, etc but was getting few answers. all i figured out was that the baby was fine but in a hospital about 30 minutes away. i realized that if i didn’t find the baby soon my hopes for breastfeeding would be squashed because hospital staff was probably giving a bottle and my body wasn’t getting the message to create milk. so i looked down at my nipples and they were GONE. i had an areola but no nipple. scariest sight let me tell you, it’s still etched in my brain. so i manically embark on this mission to find my baby, but first i look in the mirror and for some reason have the worst haircut ever. awkward bangs that i don’t want, and and awkward just-hitting-shoulders length. UGH.  then i woke up.

so in that dream i never got to see my baby, but last night’s dream perhaps picked up where that one left off? because i had a beautiful baby boy in my arms, but he was super sleepy and sick. i am trying to get on an elevator to exit this big building, but when the elevator comes there are loud, obnoxious students, middle school aged in there and i am automatically in teacher mode (in fact in the moment they ARE my students) and i basically bitch them out, telling them i’m coming into the elevator with my baby and they better shut the f up. very professional teacher in that moment, clearly. anyway i eventually emerge from the building and go to a part at my friend nicole’s house/backyard in chicago but my baby is getting more sick. so for some reason i decide to start carrying him in a bag. his eyes are closed and not opening. then i woke up.

so there you have it, three total pregnancy nightmares so far! no uplifting dreams whatsoever. thanks, subconscious!

hopefully these dreams don’t out me as being mentally unstable or anything.

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