I like how I’m actually 36 weeks today but just now posting this picture. I’ve had a hard time keeping up with things this week as our house has been in a state of semi-chaos. Hus decided to renovate the downstairs bathroom, which ended up being a bigger job than anticipated, so my uncle flew in from Missouri to help him. So while Hus was busy doing that, he delegated a bunch of tasks related to our business to me: filling out zoning applications, getting documents notarized, mailing tons of stuff.

I spent some quality time in the nursery, too. I used extra fabric from the curtains to make a cover for the changing pad (I made my own changing pad to put on top of an antique dresser we already had that is perfect height for baby-changing), washed and organized all the clothes we have so far (way disproportional amount of newborn and size 0-3 months stuff) as well as the two used baby carriers I have. Well actually I have three used baby carriers and a new one. Why do I absurdly have four ways to baby wear already? Well I received the Bjorn and Ultimate Baby Wrap as gifts. Then I found an awesome barely used Sakura Bloom sling on craigslist and a cheap Ergo on zulily. So I ridiculously have four. Who knows what I’ll actually end up using, as it seems that moms and babies form pretty strong preferences about these things.

I also finished preparing the arts and crafts activity for my baby shower this weekend! The shower is on Sunday and I was thankfully promised by the family friend organizing it that there would be NO games. Phew. I despise baby shower games. If I have to watch one more pair of grown ass women feed each other baby food blindfolded then I’m going to punch someone. While I’m anti-games, I am always excited about doing crafts at parties. It’s always a welcome distraction and means less interacting with people and more doing your own thing which, at times, I’m all about. Plus I love focusing and putting energy into creating something tangible. There is something so satisfying about that. So we’re going to decorate onesies and if no one else is interested in the decorating process then I will decorate all 23 myself because THAT SHIT IS MY JAM.

Last night we toured the labor and delivery floor/birthing suites at the hospital during our childbirth class. Seeing where our baby will be born made things feel much more real and also came as a big relief. What I was previously nervous about was not being able to give birth in one of the two designated intervention-free birthing suites. Obviously they have no way of knowing how many women will be laboring when, so there is no way to guarantee one of those rooms will be free. However, I took it as a good sign that BOTH of the birthing suites were open last night during our tour. I think more people than I anticipated opt for the rooms where epidurals are are an option. I felt comforted though because even the normal rooms are pretty nice and I would be totally happy delivering there – the only thing they don’t have is a jacuzzi tub. While a tub would be an awesome option, you can’t use one after your water has broken or for the pushing stage so there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be able to utilize it. I can’t anticipate what I’ll want during labor, but I’m not a big bath person anyway. In my normal state I find it relaxing to be in a bath for about 10 minutes and then the temperature is all wrong and I get antsy. I should probably stick to more reliable comfort measures while in labor.

I definitely do want to remember to bring some key things to the hospital to make the room more home-like. It will be easier to make one of the birthing suites feel “homey” but the normal rooms have potential as well. I need to bring my own pillow because those hospital ones are an insult to pillows. I also want to bring music and something that smells amazing, preferably lavender. Those few touches would make a world of difference.

I’m feeling far more supported by Hus these days, as he got really into the childbirth simulations during class and actually did an amazing job with massaging and comforting me. He is also almost done reading the Bradley Husband-Coached Method book, which is a huge accomplishment for him. I’m feeling increasingly less anxious about our decision to not hire a doula.

My due date is less than a month away and the mystery of when I’ll go into labor is killing me. I want so badly to have the baby earlier rather than later, which makes me think I’m probably sabotaging myself and will go frustratingly until 42 weeks. I know this wouldn’t be the end of the world and I should be more zen about this, but I already feel the days going into slow motion and am not sure how many times I can clean and fold things before I lose my mind. I know I should go into more of an appreciation mode for the way things are right now, since they’re about to change dramatically, but god that’s hard.

It’s rainy and cold today. Poqueta won’t go outside. It’s the saddest thing ever. I tried to take her on a walk. She ran excitedly to the door when I whistled, we took four steps outside and she LITERALLY froze in place, shivering like mad, and then ran back to the door. Poor thing. I’ll put her coat on and try again later.

Woke up early this morning to take Hus to the airport. He is flying to Washington state right now for our business. He is so lucky he flies for free (his mother retired from United Airlines). If all goes as planned, he’ll be back tomorrow. With him gone, all this rain and a freezing chihuahua, I feel even more sad than my usual hormonal self recently.

Things I want and probably won’t get: haircut and pre-natal massage.

Okay, I need to go lift this fog for realz.