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Here is my 37 weeks pic. Terribly exciting, I know. I look the same. I feel the same, more or less. I wish I DIDN’T feel the same because then I could be all ooh labor is imminent but there is literally nothing to report on that front. Tomorrow I’ll be 38 weeks.

Something that is bothering me is the fact that I can’t figure out what position the baby is in. For the past 2 months I’ve always been able to figure it out, as his butt has always clearly been on my right or my left (always head down) with kicks on the opposite side, up under my ribs. Now I actually have no idea what’s going on. I don’t really feel his butt on either side, which makes me think he’s sunny side up, but I don’t really feel limbs either – except for kicks on top and sometimes random octopus-style off to the side. I’m pushing him around right now and he is pushing back, yet I have no idea what’s going on. Maybe my anterior placenta is sabotaging me yet again? I know I should just give it a rest, let him be, and trust that he’ll be in a good place for labor (especially since I have religiously been doing all the recommended exercises from Bradley and Spinning Babies for positioning. Even if they don’t work, at least I’ll know I tried.)

In general I think I just need to have more trust in my body. It’s weird because I’ve totally been able to do that throughout almost this entire pregnancy. I’ve worried very little about how he’s doing, especially after the first trimester. I have actually been continuously humbled by the fact that my body is WAY smarter than me and is better off when I don’t try to interfere or control it. My body and my baby know what’s up. I don’t. And I need to accept that. If he doesn’t want to come until 42 weeks (omg that makes my skin itch) then there’s probably good reason for it. No amount of pineapple I eat or sex that I have will change when he’s coming out.

My favorite thing to do right now is to just sit in the nursery. It’s pretty unconventional: no theme, no color scheme, no crib. We actually bought zero furniture, aside from the Ikea mattress we are using as a floor bed. We’re vaguely following Montessori guidelines for a nursery, though we have a bit too much color going on to be true Montessori. The fact is we just used what we had, loved or were gifted and it ended up looking the way it does. It’s not going to be in a magazine or anything, but I find it really peaceful and practical. Hanging out there makes me feel calm.

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Random assortment of carpets that we bought in San Miguel de Allende, mexico from a guy who makes them by hand (the green one is my mom’s though)/beautiful prints in the corner by artist Nikki McClure

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Our Montessori floor bed with clashing quilts, both handmade by family members (blue one by my aunt, pastel one by my grandma), black and white mobile/fishing tapestry that Husein’s brother brought us from Zanzibar, Africa which is where their family is from

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Changing area/pine cone art made by me/ugly trash can that will be gone once we get into the swing of cloth diapering

Anyway, I’m off to distract myself as effectively as possible. Much love!

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