I really hate google. And the whole internet. But especially google. It’s my fault, I know, because I research things so obsessively that I find constant contradictions and am left feeling more bewildered. So then I reject all advice for a few days and convince myself that I need to just follow my instincts. Then I hit a wall with that and crawl back to the conflicting information on google. The cycle goes on.

In case you have no clue what I’m talking about, it’s sleep. Mostly naps. But nighttime sleep, too. I am trying to figure out what I’m doing and feel like a complete failure 99% of the time. I want to “teach” hafiz to sleep. To fall asleep, that is. And stay asleep (for naps, night is fine).

I’m not even going to bother going into the details of what’s been happening here. I thought I could be tough and really get him to figure out his sleep by crying a bit. A bit turned into A LOT of tears. Working himself up more than I’ve ever seen. So I did a sharp u-turn and am not revisiting that path until maybe 4 or 5 months.

So now, instead, I’m knowingly creating all kinds of “bad” sleep associations. But I really don’t care. All I care about is hafiz getting sleep somewhere other than on me.

I do think last week was a bizarre combo of vaccines and developmental shift because he is extremely more vocal this week, slobbering/blowing bubbles like mad and addicted to his fist on his mouth.

Oh FYI no swaddle is the worst thing ever!! We had a horrrriibblllee night when I stubbornly tried to get him to fall asleep swaddle free. He was pissed. He loves his swaddle, apparently. I thought he would be psyched to be free. NO. Angry hafiz. I only own two swaddles that still fit him. Might look for two more at nesting house tomorrow because swaddle is still my BFF.

Oh so that’s part of my insanity. Haven’t been to moms group or yoga in 2 weeks because of snow, ice, pediatrician, etc. I haven’t been out much. Sunday evening I went to target for no reason (without hafiz) and just wandered the aisles like a zombie. Then I ran into a friend and he agreed that he felt like a zombie, too. I got a silly baby hairbrush for hafiz so I can groom him properly. It’s actually really cute to brush his hair all to one side.

Anyway the worst part of last week’s drama w hafiz is that it has now made me terrified for our trip to the bay in March. I’m just so scared that it will be impossible to get him to sleep well so out of our element like that. And the flight!!! Ahhhh. I might be that crazy mom handing out ziploc bags of candy, ear plugs and apology notes.

I’m way overreacting here (of course) but I think the fact that I’ve been a hermit is to blame. Also, my husband only talks about coffee and it’s driving me nuts.

Alright pretty sure I’ve complained enough for one post. Tomorrow will be better! Hafiz will be 3 months! I will finally go to moms group again!