I was so anxious to take the test. The two week wait was by far the longest two weeks of my life. I spent way too much time obsessively analyzing every little sensation in my body and kept feeling pregnant but then immediately talking myself out of it because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I had all kinds of twinges in my ovary area. I started peeing more. Couldn’t sleep. Swollen boobs. But I was on progesterone and had just been on a ton of estradiol, not to mention taken a shot of HCG, so I couldn’t read into the symptoms too much.
I probably could’ve tested earlier, but I held off until the 28th because 28 is my lucky number and I just felt like I was more likely to receive good news on that day. I only had one pregnancy test sitting in our bathroom that whole time.
I was up at 5am unable to keep sleeping on the morning of the 28th, so I crawled out of bed. I had to pee and wanted that first pee of the day to be the one I tested, so I told a pretty much fast asleep Hus that I was testing. I peed. I put it on the counter. Walked around for a few minutes feeling every emotion ever. Looked at it and…
Nothing. No lines. Not a control line, not a pregnancy line, NO LINES. Broken pregnancy test! Thanks super shitty and over-priced little farmacia in town.
I had no more tests. No pharmacy in our small Mexican town would be open until 9am. After working up all that emotion, I had to keep waiting. Gahhh. Pretty sure I cried, hus comforted me, and we tried to sleep more.
Hus and I walked to school around 7am. I taught until my prep period at 10:30am and walked to a different pharmacy to buy another test. Then I walked home. I peed again. I sat cuddling pokey and told her I was going to be at peace with either outcome.
Then I saw the test. There was a line but it was very faint. I didn’t know that any slight line at all meant positive so I snapped a picture and sent it to my doctor. He immediately wrote back “estas embarazada” (you are pregnant) and told me to come to his office later that day.
I felt electric. I left our apartment and walked towards the beach, to my favorite bakery to buy some big chocolate chip cookies and an iced green tea. Then I headed towards school, relishing in the fact that the news was just mine. No one else knew. It was my secret. And everything about it would change once other people knew. It’s hard to explain, but I relished the purity of that moment. I remember everything about that walk along the beach back towards school.
When I got back Hus was teaching my class science in his palapa. He knew what I had left to do, so I walked into his palapa and just nodded and we locked huge, amazed eyes as a frenzy of 1st and 2nd graders stumbled between us, trying to line up to come back to my classroom.
This is the crazy thing- Hus was minutes away from leaving work early to catch a plane to Colorado. So we got this news and I was about to be alone for 4 days.
Well, not exactly, because friends from the bay were flying in the next day to visit. But that night was alone. And Hus and I had zero time together to process the news. After school I threw pokey into the car and drove into Puerto Vallarta to see my doctor and get the blood work done. While waiting for the results I played with pokey on the beach. Then back to my doctor.
The blood work confirmed: I was pregnant.
I didn’t get back to Sayulita until after dark. I talked on skype to kari to tell her and then went to a BBQ that was ironically celebrating hus and I (but hus was in Colorado and I showed up many hours late) but Mexicans are very tolerant of lateness – so laid back – so they were happy to see me and fed me yummy food.
That was a year ago today.
And this is today:
So crazy, amazing and beautiful to think of how much has changed in a year.