We’ve had a bunch of visitors come to see Hafiz in the past few days, which has been so so nice.

For awhile there I wasn’t really enjoying when people came to see the baby because, well, he wasn’t all that entertaining so we kind of sat around watching him do nothing, I felt like I had to be entertaining to compensate for what the baby lacked, so I felt weird and trying too hard, and then I’d have to awkwardly nurse in front of people.

I’m all about breastfeeding whenever, wherever and around whoever but it’s weird when it’s just like you, your friend her her boyfriend that you don’t know that well and then you take your boob out? I don’t know, I want to be cool with it but I feel like it makes THEM feel awkward even though I just want to say I REALLY DON’T CARE IF YOU SEE MY BOOB I PROMISE ONCE YOU SEE IT IN MY BABY’S MOUTH IT WILL LOSE ALL SEXUAL RELEVANCE buuut that could make things awkward too because that’s implying they will look at your boob and have sexual feelings right?!!

Okay I just way over thought that.

But anyway, I figured out the best way for me to deal with guests that I’m not super comfortable with (my close buddies obviously excluded from this, could care less if Josh and Kari see my boob LOVE YA GUYS) is for me to whip out a bottle. Then everyone can watch the baby eat which is apparently very entertaining? Usually I have Hus start the feeding and then he passes the baby to one of the guests and they get to feel very special and involved by giving him a bottle. Haha. And then he spits up on them and they understand my life. It’s enjoyable for all. 

In light of this realization I think I will bring my breast pump to California after all. I’m all about packing as little as possible BUT the pump is very small and could be super convenient, especially since I want to do a non-mom-baby yoga class (that my friend Ashley is teaching of course) while there. Also, Ashley made me an appt with the BEST masseuse on planet earth while I’m there — a massuese who I’ve missed terribly for the past 4+ years since we left the Bay and who I thought about every.single.day of my pregnancy because all I wanted were her hands on me. Sure Hus bought me a prenatal massage but that lady was way too soft. This masseuse gives a really deep massage and she actually understands muscles in such a way that it’s incredibly hard where you need it most and never in an ouchy place. She is gifted beyond belief. Wow, massage tangent there. Bottom line is that having the breast pump will give me some freedom to do theses fun things without Hafiz AND will allow me to continue my 10pm pumping sessions so my boobs don’t explode in the night. 

I go back and forth between being incredibly excited about the California trip and then incredibly anxious. All of my anxiety is regarding the flight there, the 6.5 hr one. Once I’m there, I know things will be great. But Hafiz hasn’t napped in my arms at all recently and obviously I want him to sleep on the plane. I’m hoping that the boppy will help encourage some zzzs for him. And I’m also really hoping Hus is next to me (he’s flying stand-by so doesn’t have a confirmed ticket) and/or we have an empty seat that Hafiz can sprawl out on. 

OH this is a big deal! WE STOPPED USING THE SNUGGLE ME CUSHION. I noticed that during naps when we didn’t use it he seemed to like rolling on his side when getting cozy and soothing himself so I decided, what the hell, let the kid move. I knew it was at the risk of him going onto his tummy and freaking out in the night but no issues with that yet. He doesn’t seem to move a ton after he falls asleep, just in the process of getting there. 

Oh and regarding night sleep. I’m fully accepting the fact that one middle of the night feeding may be our new normal now with the early bedtime. If it starts to bother me I could do a 10pm dream feed… but then I’d need to find a new time to pump. Eh. I don’t mind feeding him once a night as long as he goes right back to sleep after. It’s weird though, because I expected him to fall asleep nursing since that’s what always happened during night feedings in those early days when he was still doing night feedings but now he’s a completely different baby. He doesn’t fall asleep nursing at all. The past two nights he ate and then just wanted to loudly talk/happy yell himself to sleep. It was actually really cute when I realized that’s just how he wanted to fall asleep, so I fell asleep too, across the hall, while listening to his little sounds. 

Ugh I love him so much. 


the reason he is anti-paci now 


got there on his own, and then showed off his superman strong man skillz

Okay it’s ice cream and early-ish bedtime time. xoxo.