It was a long interview today, because it wasn’t a traditional interview. I worked closely with the school leader 4 years ago at a different school, so we go way back, and I know a bunch of the teachers there already, too. I was there 7:45am-11:15am and Hafiz had refused to nurse before I left (because oh I guess he got the memo that my boobs wanted him at 4am because he woke up then to eat! And I made the big mistake of bringing him to my bed to feed him because I was hella sleepy buuut neither of us got much sleep, more thoughts on this disturbing realization to come) and that was a looong time to not nurse. At the end I walked to the parking lot, got in the car, looked down and…

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F my life!!!

I also might add that I left the school building crying a bit, which my mom said may have triggered my let down, since of course I was thinking about hafiz, so I’m really hoping she is right and that I hadn’t been walking the hallways of the school looking like that. Could that shirt possibly show wetness any more?!? Excellent outfit choice CARLY.

Blah.

Anyway. I was thinking about Hafiz because I was essentially offered a position and the hours of the school are such that I would be out of the house Monday through Friday, 6:30am-5pm or 6pm every day. with hafiz’s bedtime at 7:30 and likely being pushed earlier when he is napping less… I basically wouldn’t see him. I don’t physically understand how so so many working moms do this. I burst into tears once I hit the parking lot just thinking about it.

Financially, it would be great for us. More hours = more pay. Since we are accustomed to living on very little, it would actually provide us with a very comfortable lifestyle.

That’s not reason enough to take the job. But it’s something I can’t help but consider.

UGH.

Anyone else imagine their baby crying constantly even though they never are?

Good thing hafiz has been doing amazing with naps and bedtime just in time for it to be disrupted by vaccinations tomorrow morning!!!

I love him so much. It hurts.

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Backbending and mirror gazing.

I’m choosing to be 100% excited about our upcoming trip instead of stressing about the flight because I can’t control how it goes so why worry?! I’ll do my best to keep hafiz happy and that is that.

Oh and back to me not getting sleep with hafiz in our bed. I don’t. Get any. He doesn’t really fall asleep nursing. And he likes his space to sleep. This worries me because we will be co-sleeping in California AND nursing would be an awesome way to get him to sleep on the plane. No idea how I’m going to get him to sleep.

Speaking of planes. Just watched basically the worst thing I’ve ever seen in breaking bad of an air traffic control making a mistake. AHH. Can someone please explain what exactly traffic controllers do and what is involved with keeping all those airplanes organized in the sky? My brain cannot comprehend how this works. Airplanes never cease to amaze and concern me.

Okay. Enough rambling for one night!!

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