when I don’t post much here, it’s probably because things are rough and I’m too tired/in a dark place to blather on about random things.

so yeah. I actually only missed one day of posting. I’m basically being dramatic. That one day feels looong though because…

sleep deprivation is a bitch!

It’s hiiiiiilarious to me now that last week I thought one hungry wake up was bad.

Tuesday — so this was pre-vaccines — was by far hafiz’s worst night to date. I still don’t know what happened and am kind of mystified because his ability to self-soothe has been getting better and better until 12am that night when NOTHING would get him to sleep. Spent a few hours there nursing, offering paci, letting him cry, singing, rocking, etc. honestly I would’ve let him cry longer but that was my in-laws first night here and I didn’t want to a) keep then up and b) have them think I was a neglectful mother. Soo 12-2? Or 3? Didn’t watch the clock but it was a long time with an inconsolable baby.

Last night (so post-vaccinations) was actually better but still pretty rough with two hungry wake ups and slight stirring at other times. I slept on his floor bed.

He actually seems fine after this round of shots! Not fussy at all though quite lethargic. Going down for naps easily and staying asleep. So crazy that his days are now easy and nights are wonky, the opposite of what I’m used to from him.

Anyway just writing this down so I have an account of the hard days with feezy and when I start thinking about having #2 I can reality check myself with this!!

Oh and my mom thinks that hafiz’s rough night on Tuesday was directly related to my rough day (interview, crying, feeling sad about the future, etc) since hafiz and I are so connected. What do you think?

Anyway. I’m trying to stay positive and be excited about our trip to California next week.

Gotta go. H is struggling hard core to fall asleep for the past 1.5 hrs. Good times…

the forgotten child