yesterday was DAY 1 of me not eating sugar. 

husein and my mom both criticized me when i laid out my sugar-free plan to them. they said:

“carly, just learn moderation.”

“carly, don’t be so extreme.” 

what they don’t understand is that sugar has became a true addiction for me. while they might be able to practice moderation, i cannot. i noticed that after every single meal and in between meals, i NEEDED something sweet. sometimes it meant one spoonful of peanut butter. or maybe a cookie. at night, every night, it meant ice cream. i have a serious sweet tooth and i wasn’t about to fight it in the months of early motherhood when i was most vulnerable and hungry. i indulged and felt justified. i enjoyed my sugar, i truly did. 

but in the past few weeks the enjoyment has dissipated because the sugar cravings have controlled me. it doesn’t feel good to eat one cookie, feel unsatisfied, and want more. and more. and more. same with ice cream. i would need 2-3 bowls a night to feel satisfied. 

so i told my family to hold me accountable, even if they disagreed with the premise. i am used to having them roll their eyes at me (story of my life).

yesterday was day 1 of no sugar and i almost gave in about 50 times. after having eggs for breakfast, all i wanted was just a LITTLE BIT of peanut butter (the sweetened yummiest kind by the way). but i resisted. then we went out for lunch in the city with husein’s second cousin and they ordered desserts for the table: churros and lime sorbet. i wanted it so bad. but i resisted. then in the afternoon, thin mints walked onto the scene. fucking thin mints. but i resisted. and then of course, OF COURSE, nighttime came and i wanted ice cream, deep in my bones, oh how i wanted ice cream. but instead i drank decaffeinated green tea and ate some spoonfuls of raw almond butter.

i might add that i had a headache all day from sugar withdrawal. seriously. this is actually a well-researched phenomenon that i read about in this article. i would sit there and notice my brain fixating repeatedly on sugar. i went to trader joe’s in the evening, which is not a friendly place for a sugar-free person to go. they sneak chocolate into EVERY aisle there, no joke. torture. 

i knew day 1 would be the hardest, though, so i’m proud to have it over with. it’s just a matter of changing my habits and re-training my brain/tastebuds. 

something funny from the article i just mentioned, though, was this: 

When rats in the Princeton study went cold turkey, they began bingeing on alcohol, which suggests an abrupt drop in dopamine levels promotes addictive behavior. 

so when the rats, who were given endless sugar water at first, were cut off abruptly, they started bingeing on alcohol. WHO GIVES RATS ALCOHOL? i’m just picturing rats sitting around with a 6 pack of beer. ha ha ha. what kind of laboratory is this? 

my goal is 30 days of no sugar and then re-assessing from there. hopefully i will be able to do that whole “moderation” thing one day.  that’d be cool.