"when all your desires are distilled; you will cast just two votes: to love more, and be happy" -hafiz

Monthly Archives: May 2014

so as you know i am soon moving to a new house (June 20th!!) so it somehow seems appropriate to move to a new blog as well! and by new blog i mean my old blog that i started 4 years ago and then just trailed off with writing in and then totally ditched upon pregnancy. i wanted “love more be happy” to hold me accountable to positivity throughout pregnancy and new motherhood and it has served that purpose for sure. but now i just like how the tumblr format is very accessible to off-the-cuff thoughts, pictures, links and ramblings since that’s where i am at right now. so if you so please, find me over there at carlyallgood.tumblr.com 💜👣🌋 (ps I just discovered emojis on my phone and will now be cryptically communicating with them at all times)

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i think hafiz is sneakily trying to get his vaccinations pushed back more and more. so i realized my pediatrician rescheduled the appointment from last week to this week, but then yesterday hafiz came down with yet another cold (this one not nearly as bad though, no fever, but super congested little nose!) and when i called the pediatrician this morning to ask if he should still come in for his shots he said no. so we’ll try again next week! 

pretty bummed that the little guy is sick again. i’m sure it’s because 100% of things that come anywhere near him need to go in his mouth. this is yet another one of those parenting decisions that i’m a little torn about. i’m against the idea that you need to constantly sterilize and antibacterialize EVERYTHING your baby comes in contact with because the reality is, you can’t sterilize THE WORLD and they are going to have to be prepared for it. also, antibacterial stuff is actually proven to do more harm than good. but then when i see him sick i worry that i’m too laid back about it. like, i’ve never once asked someone to wash their hands before holding him. i’ve watched him chew on the edge of our rug and didn’t stop him. i do take some precautions, like at a restaurant i wipe the table and highchair with a wet wipe, same with all the surfaces near him on the airplane. so basically in public places i’m more careful. hopefully as he gets older his immune system will get stronger. i’m sure his first year in daycare will be a WILD RIDE for his immune system. eeek! whenever that will be, anyway. 

ok, i actually feel like a lot has happened with hafiz in the last week: 

-food!!! he’s had broccoli, cauliflower, sweet potato and banana. it’s pretty hilarious to watch and, truth be told, he drops A LOT of it. however, as his diaper proved, he is also eating a surprising amount! it’s so flipping cute to watch i can barely stand it. his favorite strategy is to squish food onto his thumb and then suck his thumb. haha. 

-playpen. i bought a joovy room2 which is like a big, square pack n play. i wanted him to get used to sleeping in it since we have lots of travels coming up and that’s where he’ll need to rest. also, i was tempted by the idea of containing him since he has recently been mr escape artist with his floor bed. i’m still switching it up and letting him sleep both places for now (i put the joovy right next to his floor bed so it’s not too confusing for him) but when i can tell he’s pretty riled up and active i just put him straight in the joovy so he can go to town before he falls asleep. and last night he rocked out in there for 2 HOURS before going to sleep. no crying at all, just kicking his legs HARD to make the whole things shake and make an enormous noise on the floor that sounded like an elephant stomping around. and he talked to himself, screeched to himself. break-danced. 

-“crawling.” ok so he’s really not crawling at all BUT he’s getting onto all fours and either pushing himself backwards or lurching forward. he did this for the first time on sunday and has been in constant experimentation mode since. i still think legit crawling is far off but he is definitely getting increasingly mobile. 

that’s it for feezy. now what’s up with me? feeling like a failure at life, if you must know. today i realized i had 12 voicemails on my phone i hadn’t listened to, a bunch of important emails and fb messages that i just didn’t reply to. i would love to say that this is all because i’ve been doing great with me tech-free goals but the reality is i have been using the computer i just have no idea what i’ve been doing exactly.

there have been a ton of house-related things aka so much paperwork i want to scream AND a really fun three hour visit to the IRS office yesterday. i can’t even explain how ridiculous that outing was. we spent the morning at our accountant, then swung by the realtor, then out to the IRS office (none of these places were near one another either) all with a sick hafiz in tow. the IRS office was such a ridiculous experience that i can only laugh about it now. in retrospect. knowing i’ll never go back. there was one lady working there and three people ahead of me in line. somehow, three people took her three hours to attend to. she took 15-30 minute breaks at random intervals, including from 4-4:15 and the office closed at 4:30! we were THIS CLOSE to leaving empty handed after those 3 hours, but thank goodness the security guard, harry, was on our side and convinced the lady to see us in those final 30 seconds since our transaction was an easy one. seriously, why should the security guard be the one making things more efficient? he was also having to translate because 90% of the people in there were mexican and, despite the fact that huge signs in the waiting room said “IRS speaks your language!” everywhere, the lady didn’t speak spanish and when a mexican guy came in there – speaking ENGLISH to her, mind you – she goes “what you trying to say?!!!” super rudely so harry the security guard (who is puerto rican) had to go in there and help. what a great institution. good thing hafiz was a trooper and somehow managed to be chill that whole time. 

as for my sugar goals, i’ve started having some sugar but am totally doing it in moderation so i feel proud of myself. i have a few squares of dark chocolate each night with my capomo and it’s awesome. no desire to binge eat it, either. 

the weather is nice so i’ve started running outside. very short distances but i do sprints (1 min run, 30 sec sprint) to feel like i’m getting an actual workout in 20-25 minutes. 

i’m feeling very bummed because 2 days before my book was supposed to be on amazon they informed me i need to make a small change that could potentially set me back weeks. and i can’t even make the change myself so my old high school physics teacher (one of the nicest people on planet earth) is meeting up with me to help. she understands graphics/computers far better than me. i’m grateful to her but so so frustrated at how the final stages of this book have taken a million months more than expected. 

i’m anxious about a lot of things right now and wondering how i can simplify more. there are a few trips on the horizon that i don’t want to take (wedding in florida in august, work conference in houston in july) and also some trips that i’m excited about but also nervous for logistically (boston for a wedding, chicago for a wedding, missouri to see my grandma) since we close on the house june 20th and want to get a lot done there immediately so we can actually move in. 

blah. writing that down makes me want to cry a little. i need to get away from the computer. no pictures because i’ve sucked with both my phone and new camera these past few days.

womp womp. 

❤ c

 

 

 


after a week plus of being sick and then just very “off” while recovering, Hafiz is finally back to his wonderful little self. he even slept 11.5 hrs straight last night. YAY. for awhile there he was “reverse-cycling” aka nursing at night to make up for what he couldn’t get in the daytime because of my low supply combined with his own distractedness. i have been giving him an extra 3 oz by bottle in the evening to compensate for my low evening supply – and pumping after most feeds – so now I would like to wean him off that extra milk at night so that he go back to normal breastfeeding and sleeping through the night. we’ll see how that goes.

Good thing hafiz is back to himself just in time to get his 6 month vaccines tomorrow. HAHA. Poor baby. historically he doesn’t do well with vaccines but I will keep positive. These are the last ones for awhile at least, right?

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Drinking beer to “help lactation”

So, half a year old!!!!!! I truly can’t believe how the time has flown by. This is what’s going on with hafiz.

sleep. Still naps like a champ and CAN sleep 11-12 hours straight, though one night waking to eat still happens a few times a week. No big deal. I’m appreciating his sleep because I know teething is likely on the horizon and going to throw a wrench in it.

teeth. NONE. the “tooth” i thought was coming in never materialized and i still have no clue what it actually was. no other suspects popping up.

eating. our few attempts at solids have failed pathetically. I thought for sure hafiz would take to food immediately but not yet. I think I should try offering in the day because in the evenings (at dinner) he is probably not in the best mood for it. I also want to get the little table attachment for his high chair because food just gets lost when I put it on the table and the height isn’t ideal. My plan is to keep food as low pressure and fun as possible to let it happen at his own pace. Aside from his lack of appetite while sick that hurt my supply and his overall distractedness, nursing is going really well. Every 3 hours. I think he drinks about 4 oz, more or less, each feed.

houdini. not sure if I mentioned I put a pool noodle under the sheet at the edge of his floor bed to prevent him from rolling out? worked for awhile, until now that the kid is acrobatic and houdini-like and rolls right over the noodle. Good thing we are moving soon to a legitimately baby proofed room.

weight. 16 lbs, more details regarding percentile tomorrow.

likes. shadows, poqueta, ripping the newspaper, eating blankets, music, chomping on his foot, happy baby pose during diaper changes, kicking both legs on the ground with his dad, thumb sucking, minimal clothing.

dislikes. being sick, non board books (got a mean paper cut from a normal book). that’s it… Oh and jury is still out on solid food!!

clothes. not sure if it’s the cloth diapers or what but he can really only wear 9 month or 12 month clothes!

ok.. My in-laws just left and I need to get things accomplished. Much love.

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…is where this post will be so i apologize in advance. i feel like my mind is fractured into a million different directions today and am having trouble focusing or accomplishing anything. enter: blog. haha. 

first things first: FEEZY IS STILL SICK! boo. however, today (day 4 of illness, though fever seems to have broken yesterday though i can’t be sure because i am going by the way he feels to the touch and refusing to stick the thermometer up his little bum) the appearance of a faint rash gave us an actual diagnosis rather than “a virus” as the pediatrician so precisely described it. he has roseola. it’s pretty common and, for what it’s worth, he’s not having a severe case since has has had no mega high fever and was able to nurse at least a little yesterday. just need to wait it out at this point. i may have to give him tylenol again this evening though. i’ve only been giving it 1x a day, in the evenings when he has most needed it. i’m super wary of od-ing on tylenol ever since i listened to a this american life episode about how infant tylenol is one of the biggest killers of infants. AWESOME. but that’s because people give way too much. and it’s tylenol’s fault because their dosing was messed up. anyway, it’s still a brilliant medication when given properly. i’ll probably have to give him some tonight because, once again, he’s incredibly uncomfortable today. at least he’s nursing more than yesterday. i was FREAKING OUT when he wouldn’t eat yesterday. my heart really goes out to people who have struggled with their babies refusing to eat or having low appetites because it’s such an awful feeling. 

of course, hafiz being sick has brought forth all these anxious emotions regarding me going back to work in july. sick babies just NEED THEIR MOM. point blank. husein has stepped in here and there but, when it comes down to it, i’m the one that is going to soothe him best either with my boob or my baby beluga song or the special way i rock him or whatever. i hate thinking about hafiz being sick next year and me leaving him. i know i really shouldn’t complain because he’ll be with his father and not a daycare or a nanny which is what most people do (not to mention the fact that your baby can’t go to daycare when they are sick so then you need to figure out what to do, that must be stressful) but… i still feel sad thinking about it. that’s all. 

#1 thing i’m dreading is the pumping though. pretty sure i’ve mentioned that 5 million times. but i’m actually pumping right now so i’m literally feeling how much i hate it. i’m actually pumping and getting NOTHING which is freaking me the fuck out. hafiz nursed barely at all yesterday and is still pathetically nursing today (refusing most times i offer, latching on for a few minutes on each side every 4 hours) and yet… my boobs are empty?!!! does this mean my supply is horrifically low because of his sick-induced weird nursing habits these past few days? or that he ate more than i realize even though it was super fast? i felt like he wasn’t getting much milk because he hasn’t spit up AT ALL. i would love if the spitting up stage were just magically over right now buuut… i have a feeling that isn’t it. i have a feeling my supply is messed up. gahhh. 

tomorrow i’m going to go all in with increasing my supply. lactation tea, oatmeal, flaxseed, extra pumping after he attempts to nurse. COME ON BOOBS. don’t fail me now!!!!!

oh, at the pediatrician on monday hafiz weighed 16 lbs!! so my boobs aren’t failing me in general. we’ll get the exact 6 month weigh-in at his appointment next week. probably won’t go up much because of this sickness though. 

i was supposed to go to this big concert of my father’s tonight but couldn’t because of hafiz 😦 my mom and husein went to support him though. i feel bad, i know he really wanted all of us there. but a crying hafiz probably wouldn’t have been a great addition to the concert. 

we have 2 days to make requests to the seller of our house re: the inspection, so tomorrow we are getting an electrician and plumber to follow up on a few things. the amount of paperwork we’ve been doing for both the house and the mortgage are pretty anxiety-producing. not to mentioned the paperwork i’ve also been working on relentlessly for my teaching credential. i can’t even talk about this because it actually stresses me out way too much and i’m just PRAYING that the pa dept of ed doesn’t totally screw me over. i have my masters degree in special education, have been teaching for 6 years and yet… the credential might not go through. fortunately, my school is really awesome and will help me do whatever it takes to get into the classroom legally at the start of the year but – worst case scenario – it might mean enrolling in a class which i would have to take one evening each week? which would mean more time away from hafiz. which would make me super angry. 

i received an email from my school today because they just completed their hiring process and are fully staffed so they wanted to introduce all the new teachers to one another. oh and get this. they received 500 applications for the elementary school and only hired 2% of applicants. WHAT!? i was shocked by this. so 500 people applied 10 were hired. uhh. that shows you a) how hard it is to find a teaching position right now!!! and b) how awesome i am. jk on that last part. the email did make me feel good though, because it made me realize that, as much as i’m dreading going back to work, i’m really very fortunate to have a job. i hope i love it there. 

oh i just read an awesome book!! it’s called the goldfinch by donna tartt. nothing beats a great novel, yo. i’m getting back into the groove with my kindle, going between a baby led weaning book and a fiction novel at all times. husein and i also started a new tv series on netflix: house of cards. can’t decide how into it i am just yet but enough to keep watching, that’s for sure. 

i apologize for no pictures on my blog right now. i know that’s super lame and makes this boring to read. taking pictures of a sick, non-smiley baby kind of sucks though. 

much love!!!!!!!

xo

 

 

 


while hafiz had slight sniffles last week, we are now experiencing our first time being full blown sick. this is his first fever and i’m not sure what else is going on – cold? stomach bug? ear infection? no idea. his nose is still congested – though no more than last week – but he is pooping more than his usual (3x yesterday and usually has one a day or one every other day). really hope it’s not an ear infection. he doesn’t seem to be grabbing his ears at all, and is calm when laying down, soo… let’s hope that means it’s not that.

he is obviously so uncomfortable, whimpering almost constantly when awake. fortunately, he has barely been awake. for the past two nights he has slept 12-13 hr stretches, and stays awake less than an hour during the day before falling asleep for a nap anywhere from 1-3 hours. yesterday one of his naps was almost 4 hours! so i knew something was definitely up. his temperature has been between 99-100, though i wish i could get a more accurate reading. doing it under the arm is so questionable.

trying to decide whether or not to take him to his pediatrician. the fact that he’s nursing well makes me not too worried about dehydration, but if it’s an ear infection i’d feel terrible to let time pass without getting him antibiotics. i feel so conflicted in general about antibiotics! they are so wonderful when necessary but also incredibly over-prescribed. i want to have that attitude of “can’t hurt to take him in, better safe than sorry” but if i give him anti-biotics for something he would have bounced back from naturally by tomorrow then that isn’t good. blah.

anyway, before hafiz got sick the weekend was great! our house was inspected on friday evening and is, overall, in great condition. no major issues at all, though lots of little things that hus can easily do. the only thing we are asking that the owner pay for is some electrical updating. a few of the outlets in the house are outdated (the house was built in 1926) and need to be brought up to date. fortunately most of the house has already been updated so it’s not a huge job, but we want to bring our electrician in to get an exact estimate.

late friday night my cousin and his girlfriend came in from richmond, virginia. on saturday we took them out to breakfast and then hiked in wissahickon park near our new house. hus was beyond thrilled that the trails are AWESOME and vast. you could get seriously lost in there, which is what hus likes (and what terrifies me). lots of people with their dogs off leash which is the best. pokey was with us and in heaven, chasing after dogs 20 times her size. hafiz fell asleep on husein’s back in the chimparoo. my allergies were awful for the first time this season so my cousin gave me a bunch of her allergy meds, which – by the way – i noticed really f-ed up my supply! not cool. later that afternoon we went to a beer festival and i drank 2 beers which is a lot for me. too much, actually. i’m a lightweight these days and probably could’ve stopped after half of one.

anyway, the next day is when hafiz got sick so i just dropped my cousins off in the city and stayed with hafiz all day. i think i’ll call the pediatrician right now. getting really concerned about the possibility of an ear infection which likely won’t go away on its own.

xoxo

c

 


well from my perspective, until 10pm-ish, last night was awesome! 

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we left the house around 5, ate dinner at shake shack around the corner from the comedy club (weren’t willing to venture any further since it was POURING POURING POURING rain… our little honda literally had to forge a river to get there, a straight up wave splashed over the hood, it was crazy) and then got to see the most amazing stand up show EVER. i am basically in love with chelsea peretti. no, not basically, i am in love with her. like, usually at a comedy show you can remember the jokes that really made you die laughing, but i was dying laughing at EVERY JOKE. i like her because it’s not even like she’s telling “jokes.” i hate cheesy, formulaic jokes where you have this set up and then the punch line. lame. she just talks and tells stories basically and is hilarious. i wish i had the night taped so i could watch again and again when feeling sad. i bet she’ll record an album at the end of this tour and then i’ll be able to download it. if she is going to be in your area, GO TO HER SHOW. you won’t be sorry. she’s my hero. 

aaaaaaanyway. then after the show i decided to break my no sugar thing and get my favorite gelato from capogiro. very relieved to not live near capogiro bec i would easily spend a million dollars on gelato and gain a thousand pounds. their dark dark chocolate gelato is ridiculous. it tasted a little too sweet since i hadn’t had sugar in so long and made me feel slightly ill buuuut, still worth it 🙂

then we got in the car and i got a text from my mom asking, “are you on your way home?” seems innocent, right? but i KNEW in that moment that something was up, because my mom rarely texts and is has a very no-news-is-good-news approach to life, meaning, she only makes contact if something is wrong. 

sure enough, she wrote back that while hafiz was still fast asleep, and had been since 7:15, he had refused to take a bottle and cried hysterically for 20 min until he sucked his thumb while she held him, fell asleep, and then she put him down. 

so it was 10pm and he hadn’t eaten since 4. and went to sleep upset with no food. poor baby. we got home and he was still asleep. i was getting ready for bed slowly, expecting him to wake up, but he didn’t. then at 11:30 i just went in and laid next to him. he was PASSED OUT. i was touching his back and head and he wasn’t awake. then i just kind of put my boob in his mouth and he nursed fully (which was a relief for me because at that point i was semi-engorged) on both sides, without even waking up really. 

he slept until his usual 7am and woke up SMILING. thank goodness. he seems slightly hungrier this morning (eating every 2-2.5 hours) but otherwise he is his usual self. phew. 

anyway, the night was still a success. the only thing that i am confused about is wtf was wrong with the milk?! hafiz has been taking bottles recently NO PROBLEM. in fact, just this monday night i gave him one when we were out. it was fresher refrigerated milk though, not defrosted stuff. but that day i went to see kari i left defrosted milk, from the same time period, and he happily ate that all day. really confused. for now if he’s getting a bottle and i’m not around i think i should only leave fresh milk that hasn’t been frozen. that seems to be a safer bet. or could the heating process have overheated it or something? what’s the best way to warm a bottle? we just heat up water on the stove, remove from flame and then put the bottle in. maybe i should invest in a bottle warmer? especially for next year when husein is giving 5 or so bottles a day. 

blah. 

oh well. our house is getting inspected tomorrow!!!!!! fingers crossed there are no major issues there. the weather seems to have just improved slightly. sky is still grey but slightly less so. perhaps the sun will grace us with his presence. 

hafiz is dressed extremely preppy today. it’s cracking me up. 

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love, 

c