"when all your desires are distilled; you will cast just two votes: to love more, and be happy" -hafiz

Monthly Archives: January 2016

happy 2016!

didn’t even come close to staying up until midnight last night. i have my first full blown sinus infection and am pretty shocked by the severity of the pain. yesterday i woke up and expected to look in the mirror and see both cheekbones entirely black and blue, because it feels as if i was punched in the face repeatedly. the pain shoots down to my gumline/teeth so i can’t chew. i’ve had a runny nose and post-nasal drip for weeks but i have no problem going about my life with a basic cold. christmas morning i just kept a box of tissues by my side and the echinacea tea flowing. and went to bed super early every night this whole damn break. i feel frustrated that all of my attempts at keeping this thing in check failed. i was doing neti pot morning and night, taking zinc lozenges, my usual 5 million vitamins for pregnancy stuff but also d3 for immunity, elderberry in my tea, humidifier, diffusing essential oils, getting as much rest as possible, eating relatively healthy (though not my best with the holiday treats everywhere)… but, bam, sinus infection. so i’m taking antibiotics again even though i wanted this to be an antibiotic-free pregnancy. nope. sorry baby. took ’em a few weeks ago for a UTI and now this. oh well. i had to take antibiotics 2 or 3 times with hafiz and he turned out about as perfect as babies come, so hopefully i’ll get lucky again in that respect.

hafiz just finished his first course of antibiotics as well, actually. the pediatrician thinks he also had a sinus infection 2 weeks ago (runny nose forevverrrrr and spiking a fever on and off for a week) and a cough he couldn’t shake. of course now that i’m down for the count, hafiz is healthy and bouncing around. i’m trying not to spread my germs back to him. i told him that mama is sick and he says “mama needs medicine” or “i kiss mama’s boo boo” and he kisses my nose/face and then says “mama feels ALL BETTER!!!” with a big smile and i want to cry because i wish it were that simple.

he’s full of so much joy these days. i don’t want to jinx myself, but he’s just gotten so easy to be around. not like he’ll do everything we ask him to do the first time – he’s still a toddler and wants things a certain way – but now that he communicates so well now that it’s easy to rationalize with him. as long as we explain the reason he needs to put on mittens, or throw something in the garbage, or leave josh on the couch, or brush his teeth or whatever… then he understands and does it. even getting him to leave places that he loves, like my parents’ house or a friend’s house, has gotten way easier. i have been so sick these past few days and he literally just plays around me, the most needy he is is when he wants me to read him books over and over and over again. my uncle gave him richard scarry’s “cars and trucks and things that go” which is 66 PAGES and i will read that whole damn thing and then he will insist i read it again. NIGHTMARE. i want to hide that book.

i love how he now observes that things are funny. he’ll say “papa’s funny!” or when something is absurd in a book he’ll say “that’s funny!” and laugh so genuinely with his whole body. when he does something silly to try to make us laugh he’ll say “i funny.” cracks us up.

there’s about 5 million more things i wanted to share about hafiz, but my freaking face is throbbing and i need to put a heating pad on my cheeks and take some tylenol. oh, but in regards to the title of the this post, as hard as it is while feeling this f-ing sick, all i want to do is have a better attitude in this new year. i’ve been getting pulled towards negativity with the hectic nature of my job and feeling like our house still isn’t where i want it to be… and focusing less on all the amazing parts of my life that i should feel super grateful for. i need to shift my attitude back to where it belongs, yo.