"when all your desires are distilled; you will cast just two votes: to love more, and be happy" -hafiz

Category Archives: belly

Today is 40 weeks! AKA my due date. But in my late fashion here are the 39 week pics:

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terrified eyes at the bare belly

I got my first stretch marks the day before my due date! They are right above my belly button and I will not be sharing a picture because that involves a horrific close-up of said belly button. Be grateful I spared you (sorry Kari for the pic I messaged you to verify that they are, in fact, stretch marks).

Yesterday during acupuncture I genuinely thought I was going into labor. ACUPUNCTURE IS LEGIT, people. She put the needles in and I started getting INTENSE contractions. They weren’t Braxton-Hicks because they were painful, like menstrual cramps, and came in regular intervals. It was my first time not sleeping during acupuncture because they took all of my focus to breath through and stay calm and comfortable. But then I got up, walked down the street to the Nesting House, ate a free lactation cookie there, drank some water, and they stopped. Weird, huh? And back to normal BHs today.

Ok I need to go find cheap sweatpants at Target and see my midwife. PEACE OUT!

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38 weeks

38 weeks! Again, not much visible growth, but I am definitely feeling bigger than ever. My back and pelvis are aching like whoa.


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Here is my 37 weeks pic. Terribly exciting, I know. I look the same. I feel the same, more or less. I wish I DIDN’T feel the same because then I could be all ooh labor is imminent but there is literally nothing to report on that front. Tomorrow I’ll be 38 weeks.

Something that is bothering me is the fact that I can’t figure out what position the baby is in. For the past 2 months I’ve always been able to figure it out, as his butt has always clearly been on my right or my left (always head down) with kicks on the opposite side, up under my ribs. Now I actually have no idea what’s going on. I don’t really feel his butt on either side, which makes me think he’s sunny side up, but I don’t really feel limbs either – except for kicks on top and sometimes random octopus-style off to the side. I’m pushing him around right now and he is pushing back, yet I have no idea what’s going on. Maybe my anterior placenta is sabotaging me yet again? I know I should just give it a rest, let him be, and trust that he’ll be in a good place for labor (especially since I have religiously been doing all the recommended exercises from Bradley and Spinning Babies for positioning. Even if they don’t work, at least I’ll know I tried.)

In general I think I just need to have more trust in my body. It’s weird because I’ve totally been able to do that throughout almost this entire pregnancy. I’ve worried very little about how he’s doing, especially after the first trimester. I have actually been continuously humbled by the fact that my body is WAY smarter than me and is better off when I don’t try to interfere or control it. My body and my baby know what’s up. I don’t. And I need to accept that. If he doesn’t want to come until 42 weeks (omg that makes my skin itch) then there’s probably good reason for it. No amount of pineapple I eat or sex that I have will change when he’s coming out.

My favorite thing to do right now is to just sit in the nursery. It’s pretty unconventional: no theme, no color scheme, no crib. We actually bought zero furniture, aside from the Ikea mattress we are using as a floor bed. We’re vaguely following Montessori guidelines for a nursery, though we have a bit too much color going on to be true Montessori. The fact is we just used what we had, loved or were gifted and it ended up looking the way it does. It’s not going to be in a magazine or anything, but I find it really peaceful and practical. Hanging out there makes me feel calm.

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Random assortment of carpets that we bought in San Miguel de Allende, mexico from a guy who makes them by hand (the green one is my mom’s though)/beautiful prints in the corner by artist Nikki McClure

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Our Montessori floor bed with clashing quilts, both handmade by family members (blue one by my aunt, pastel one by my grandma), black and white mobile/fishing tapestry that Husein’s brother brought us from Zanzibar, Africa which is where their family is from

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Changing area/pine cone art made by me/ugly trash can that will be gone once we get into the swing of cloth diapering

Anyway, I’m off to distract myself as effectively as possible. Much love!


Here are pictures from my 36th week of pregnancy. On Thursday Feez will be considered full term!

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I don’t think I look any bigger, but my belly has dropped even lower and I’m feeling it for sure. I didn’t think my bladder could get even more crushed but it somehow is. Nesting instinct is in full swing. I was up at 5:30AM today doing laundry, ripping tags off of baby clothes and hanging pictures in the nursery. I actually have a lot of energy throughout the day, mostly fueled by the anxiety of “omg the baby could be here real soon.” And then I realize he could be here soon, or I could be pregnant for another 5 weeks. A terrifying thought.

I see my midwife on Friday and hopefully she’ll have some insight into when this boy will appear.

Sunday was our baby shower and it couldn’t have been more awesome. 99% of the important people in my life were there (Manda was missing, as she lives in Germany) and everyone seemed very relaxed aka they weren’t forced into awkward games. I did force most guests to participate in my onesie making activity but I think people enjoyed it and now Feez has some HELLA CUTE handmade onesies to sport. And by sport I mean to spit up/poop on of course.

Braxton Hicks are now coming on constantly. I haven’t timed them but it seems like every 5-10 minutes at night, more spread apart during the day. They aren’t uncomfortable at all, just funny feeling. I am already humbled by my uterus’s strength.

My hospital suitcase is more or less packed. Our car seat came in the mail today. I think this whole thing might really happen.

Sleep is getting trickier so I should go work on that as it’s past my bedtime.

Love!!


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I like how I’m actually 36 weeks today but just now posting this picture. I’ve had a hard time keeping up with things this week as our house has been in a state of semi-chaos. Hus decided to renovate the downstairs bathroom, which ended up being a bigger job than anticipated, so my uncle flew in from Missouri to help him. So while Hus was busy doing that, he delegated a bunch of tasks related to our business to me: filling out zoning applications, getting documents notarized, mailing tons of stuff.

I spent some quality time in the nursery, too. I used extra fabric from the curtains to make a cover for the changing pad (I made my own changing pad to put on top of an antique dresser we already had that is perfect height for baby-changing), washed and organized all the clothes we have so far (way disproportional amount of newborn and size 0-3 months stuff) as well as the two used baby carriers I have. Well actually I have three used baby carriers and a new one. Why do I absurdly have four ways to baby wear already? Well I received the Bjorn and Ultimate Baby Wrap as gifts. Then I found an awesome barely used Sakura Bloom sling on craigslist and a cheap Ergo on zulily. So I ridiculously have four. Who knows what I’ll actually end up using, as it seems that moms and babies form pretty strong preferences about these things.

I also finished preparing the arts and crafts activity for my baby shower this weekend! The shower is on Sunday and I was thankfully promised by the family friend organizing it that there would be NO games. Phew. I despise baby shower games. If I have to watch one more pair of grown ass women feed each other baby food blindfolded then I’m going to punch someone. While I’m anti-games, I am always excited about doing crafts at parties. It’s always a welcome distraction and means less interacting with people and more doing your own thing which, at times, I’m all about. Plus I love focusing and putting energy into creating something tangible. There is something so satisfying about that. So we’re going to decorate onesies and if no one else is interested in the decorating process then I will decorate all 23 myself because THAT SHIT IS MY JAM.

Last night we toured the labor and delivery floor/birthing suites at the hospital during our childbirth class. Seeing where our baby will be born made things feel much more real and also came as a big relief. What I was previously nervous about was not being able to give birth in one of the two designated intervention-free birthing suites. Obviously they have no way of knowing how many women will be laboring when, so there is no way to guarantee one of those rooms will be free. However, I took it as a good sign that BOTH of the birthing suites were open last night during our tour. I think more people than I anticipated opt for the rooms where epidurals are are an option. I felt comforted though because even the normal rooms are pretty nice and I would be totally happy delivering there – the only thing they don’t have is a jacuzzi tub. While a tub would be an awesome option, you can’t use one after your water has broken or for the pushing stage so there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be able to utilize it. I can’t anticipate what I’ll want during labor, but I’m not a big bath person anyway. In my normal state I find it relaxing to be in a bath for about 10 minutes and then the temperature is all wrong and I get antsy. I should probably stick to more reliable comfort measures while in labor.

I definitely do want to remember to bring some key things to the hospital to make the room more home-like. It will be easier to make one of the birthing suites feel “homey” but the normal rooms have potential as well. I need to bring my own pillow because those hospital ones are an insult to pillows. I also want to bring music and something that smells amazing, preferably lavender. Those few touches would make a world of difference.

I’m feeling far more supported by Hus these days, as he got really into the childbirth simulations during class and actually did an amazing job with massaging and comforting me. He is also almost done reading the Bradley Husband-Coached Method book, which is a huge accomplishment for him. I’m feeling increasingly less anxious about our decision to not hire a doula.

My due date is less than a month away and the mystery of when I’ll go into labor is killing me. I want so badly to have the baby earlier rather than later, which makes me think I’m probably sabotaging myself and will go frustratingly until 42 weeks. I know this wouldn’t be the end of the world and I should be more zen about this, but I already feel the days going into slow motion and am not sure how many times I can clean and fold things before I lose my mind. I know I should go into more of an appreciation mode for the way things are right now, since they’re about to change dramatically, but god that’s hard.

It’s rainy and cold today. Poqueta won’t go outside. It’s the saddest thing ever. I tried to take her on a walk. She ran excitedly to the door when I whistled, we took four steps outside and she LITERALLY froze in place, shivering like mad, and then ran back to the door. Poor thing. I’ll put her coat on and try again later.

Woke up early this morning to take Hus to the airport. He is flying to Washington state right now for our business. He is so lucky he flies for free (his mother retired from United Airlines). If all goes as planned, he’ll be back tomorrow. With him gone, all this rain and a freezing chihuahua, I feel even more sad than my usual hormonal self recently.

Things I want and probably won’t get: haircut and pre-natal massage.

Okay, I need to go lift this fog for realz.


 
Image34 weeks and feeling pretty good! I don’t think I look that much bigger, but I can tell that Feez is filling out his space more. I can always feel his body parts pretty distinctly (at least what I’m guessing to be his butt, back, feet, etc.) whether he’s moving around or not. Man, feeling his movements will never get old. In fact, in those moments where I feel so eager to be done with pregnancy and meet him already, cranky about not being able to sleep or my clothes looking absurd, I try to touch my stomach and imagine him not being in there anymore. Doing this inevitably makes me appreciate right now, and the amazing feeling of having him with me all the time. If I zoom out to the big picture, these days are so few and so special, so I need to resist the impulse to press fast forward. 
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Bare belly is SO terrifying. 
 
Anyway, I can tell that these final weeks are going to inch by. I’m trying to keep as busy as possible to make time go faster, but at the same time I don’t have my usual stamina to be going-going-going all the time either. Finding balance is hard.
 
I have this secret fear that in the last month I will suddenly: get lots of stretch marks (everyone says they like to appear right at the end), start to feel as huge and whale-like as I look, retain hella water, get swollen and uncomfortable. I’ve been enjoying pregnancy so much and I would love to rock that until the end. Things that will hopefully help accomplish this goal: 
 
-Prenatal yoga
-Long walks with intermittent slow motion jogging  – weather has been AMAZING for being outside
-Eating protein with every meal
-Limiting sugar (ps I suck at this and eat sugar all the time but I’m going to try to cut down on at least my consumption during the day – still need my nightly ice cream though)
-Sleeping a lot, about 7 hours a night plus usually a nap during the day
-Acupuncture 1x week (ahhhh this is my happy place every Monday!) 
-Maintaining positive attitude
 
About that last one: I definitely feel this weird sadness/depression creeping in that must be hormonal since it showed up at the same time as this lovely breakout on my face. I have been crying for no reason. I’m really hoping it passes soon. I look around and can point out so many things to feel grateful for and happy about, yet sadness lingers. Here are things I’ve been trying to do to combat this: 
 
-Not always turn to chocolate (but sometimes I do anyway, and it works as a temporary fix, so yeah) 
-Take Poqueta on a walk or cuddle with her on the couch
-Throw myself into the illustrations for my children’s book
-Listen to Pete Holmes’ podcast “You Made it Weird” because it ALWAYS makes me laugh
-Decorate the nursery 
-Clean/organize something 
 
Tonight is our first childbirth class! Pretty excited about it. 
 
Okay… need to stop thinking about chocolate chip cookies and kombucha. Not that I want them together. I just want both of those things in general. 
 
LOVE
c
 

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All you need to know about this week is…

-I’m eating way too much chocolate…

-Trying to balance this with healthy meals though (my recent lunch of champions = brown rice/quinoa mix, crushed hard boiled egg, goat gouda cheese, avocado, broccoli, tomatoes, tossed with olive oil & whole grain mustard)

-Freezing my ass off. And it’s 70 degrees. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. Poor Pokey is REALLY freezing her ass off.

-Just spent $30 on the only decorations I’m getting for the nursery and am SO EXCITED about them!

-Enrolled in a prenatal yoga class here that I really love. I’m the most pregnant one in the class, which is weird. Most women don’t even look pregnant. I actually came in the first class and was sure I was in the wrong place. But I love doing yoga with a community of pregnant women!!! Still loving yogaglo home practice too, though.

-Skin is super broken out in a way that it never has been in my entire life. It’s like tons and tons of little pimples, not red, only visible in certain light. Maybe it’s irritation from the cold? But it’s in that hormonal-acne spot (jawline, sides of mouth, below mouth) so I think it’s hormone related. THANKS PREGNANCY.

-Okay really can’t complain about my pregnancy because I actually feel pretty great. Except for the temptation that is online shopping. And the fact that I just looked at Athleta catalog and am way too into over-priced yoga clothes. Never going to buy anything from there but ohhh how I want to.

-I also want a prenatal massage… NOW!!!!!!!

Late for yoga…bye!!!