"when all your desires are distilled; you will cast just two votes: to love more, and be happy" -hafiz

still trying to love more and be happy

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I’m nearly 11 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and in much greater need of the “love more, be happy mentality” with this pregnancy.

I dislike how busy my life is right now. I feel like I accidentally fell into that whole American mindset of busy-ness = worthwhile life even though I DON’T BELIEVE THAT AT ALL.

Busy might be okay if your busy-ness also includes fun and spontaneity and adventure and excitement. But my life is busy and boring right now. Basically each day is the same. Alarm goes off at 5:30am. I quietly tiptoe out of my dark house and to my car at 6:15am. I am at my school by 6:30am. Rushing around preparing things until kids arrive at 7:30am. I have not one minute away from children until 4:20pm because that is the nature of my school. Constant teaching. Constant crisis control. Constant. No relaxed prep that I hear exists at other schools. I get home by 5pm at best but on meeting days it’s 6pm. I see Hafiz for an hour or so before bedtime begins. We go outside if possible or play with cars or read books while Husein makes dinner. I CAN’T COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS PORTION OF MY DAY BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE THE BEST HUSBAND SITUATION IN THE WORLD. This is the best hour of my day, by far. Then after dinner is potty, bath, brushing teeth, books. Hafiz is asleep by 8pm and as soon as he is asleep, I shower (or not) and am in bed by 8:30pm. I wish I could stay up later but the pregnancy nausea and exhaustion is too much. Asleep by 9pm is ideal so I get 8 hours of sleep. Well, almost. I wake up to pee at least once or twice (ALREADY!!! I’M ONLY 11 WEEKS! AND I’M BARELY DRINKING WATER IN THE EVENING!) so it’s not a full 8 since it takes me awhile to get back to sleep.

Weekends (like right now) are basically me lying on the couch as much as possible. Hopefully doing at least one activity with Hafiz and seeing friends or family at least once, too.

I am so grateful to be pregnant. In fact, in spite of nausea and exhaustion and peeing all the time, being pregnant is what gives me hope. I feel like growing our family is this… rebellion from my work life. I’m not able to better articulate myself right now. But sometimes when I’m feeling really disgruntled about my daily grind, I just think, hey, there’s an awesome baby in here and this whole world here at school will stop existing to me when I meet this child. There is no way that next year, with two children, I can keep up this schedule. I won’t. Not sure how our family will swing a change, but we will have to.

I want my busy-ness to be centered around my own children and family and not other people’s children. I want my busy-ness to be fun and not every day exactly the same.

Probably won’t write in this blog much this pregnancy even though I would truly love to. Maybe once the nausea and exhaustion are gone (in a few weeks I hope?!!) my attitude will shift. Right now, most things feel like a struggle.

aaaand then i lost track of the months, just like that

OF COURSE, his 13 month birthday was the first one that passed without me noticing. I think that’s how it goes though. The months will now start to blend together more and more, and instead of saying he is “x months” old I will usually just say “he’s one!” or in a few months “one and half!” unless it’s someone else with a baby around that age and i know the are expecting specificity. so, to be exact, he’s now about 13.5 months old. i’m not doing monthly updates anymore, nor am i taking the #weeklyhafiz pics (sniff sniff, i might whip out the blanket and stuffed animal at 18 months and 2 years though) but  i did want to give a very quick update on lil feezy.

-he walks on his knees constantly, side-stepping like a crab. it’s hilarious.

-he loves smoked salmon. i hope the avoid-excess-salt advice only applies to under age 1. he’s also obsessed with citrus and really all fruit.

-he is in full on toddler mode when it comes to wanting to assert his independence. he has recently started insisting on using a fork (an adult fork only) to eat at dinner. i help him stab food and then he feeds himself with the biggest smile ever. this same “i can do it myself” attitude is present during toothbrushing, drinking water (he can actually drink from a normal cup really well – spills water on himself maybe 20% of the time), etc.

-suddenly obsessed with books. he’s like a little dictator, just holds a book out to you and yells until you read it to him.

-sleep… isn’t the best. and with our trip to mexico this friday i am only expect things to deteriorate from here. i plan to deal with it being rough until mid-january when i’ll host an intervention because WE’LL BE IN OUR HOUSE!!!!!! (KNOCK ON WOOD)

that’s all for now..need to get to bed ASAP.

12 months aka ONE YEAR of hafiz.

WOOOOSHHH is the only word I can think of to describe the last year.

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Having the fall weather roll in these past few weeks has brought those pre-Hafiz days back to my mind. October was such a long month last year. Since I was so huge and had people constantly telling me that they thought the baby would come early, I was ready for Hafiz to arrive every single day. That meant my hospital bag was packed that whole month. I cleaned the bathroom almost every day. I folded and re-folded newborn clothes. I went to prenatal yoga 3x a week and walked 5 miles a day, thinking it would help me go into labor. I used evening primrose oil and ate pineapple and spicy food. The days moved so slowly. By the time November came around, I had truly tortured myself. I remember going to an appointment with my midwife on my due date, Nov 7, and finding out that I wasn’t dilated at all. I came home and just collapsed on the floor in tears. I was convinced the baby would never come out.

In retrospect, of course, this all seems so silly and stupid. But the 9+ months of anticipation and immense level of physical discomfort I was feeling at that point were overwhelming and nothing that other moms had told me about “appreciating those final days of freedom and solitude” could be honored.

The morning I went into labor on 11-12-13 still seems so surreal to me solely because everything was so calm. I didn’t let myself get too excited since I was convinced labor would be many hours and possibly many days long. So when I arrived to the hospital – well, arrived to triage after 45 min of labor in the waiting room, that is – dilated to 9 cm, I didn’t have time to process what was happening. Especially since the pain was absolutely blinding. So after leaving our house around 3:15PM, Hafiz was in our arms by 6:57PM.

And time hasn’t taken even a slight pause since then. The video I made of Hafiz’s first year is a pretty accurate representation of how fast I feel this year has gone. Lots of little, beautiful, slow-moving moments but that have collectively flown by freakishly fast.

I look at Hafiz today and can’t even comprehend the squishy little newborn he once was. Today, at just 28.5 inches tall (he has barely grown in height since age 6 months, by the way. So he dropped from 90% to 10% in height. Haha! He’s ours!) and 19 lbs 3 oz, he is SO active and strong and full of personality.

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a rocking horse and cowboy hat from a family friend at his bday party. oh boy. 

Here’s what’s up:

Sleep. Well, he goes to sleep easily at 7:30PM each night but 4:30AM wake ups are our new normal, I’m sad to say. I tried to let him CIO but – while that strategy works for the occasional middle of the night wake up – at 4:30AM he is stubborn beyond belief. He comes into our bed most days at that time and we sleep one more hour all together. From there his morning routine is basically the same. Gets dressed, messes around the kitchen while I do stuff, eats breakfast and then gets put back down to nap between 6:30 and 7am, after I leave for work.

Food. YOU EAT SO MUCH. 4 meals a day. Some new favorite foods are beets, slow-cooked brussels sprouts, mushrooms and polenta. Oh and clementines and blueberries. We have started eating dinner earlier so we can all eat together and some nights I seriously think you eat more than me. And then after that you still nurse a ton before bed. How you only weigh 19 lbs is a mystery. I am down to pumping only once at work most days, so we’ve started to give you some goat milk in a straw cup. You’re okay with it. You still nurse like a fiend in the morning and when I come home though. You are actually more into it than you were a few months ago, which is strange to me. I think it’s more than milk for you, though. It’s an attachment thing. I hope you keep wanting to nurse AM and PM.

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eats everything, dirt included.

Mobility. You crawl so fast and easily that walking probably seems pretty pointless to you. You do spend a few hours of the day using your walkers though, and cruising along and between furniture, so maybe you’re warming up to the idea. I used to think you’d be walking by Christmas but I’m not so sure anymore. You are able to stand up unassisted but only for a few seconds and you can’t get up to standing without holding on, which tells me that walking is still far off. I was SO eager for you to crawl, but I don’t feel the same way about walking. I knew that once you crawled you would be less fussy because you would be able to go wherever you desired, and that was absolutely true. I don’t feel like walking is that imperative to your independence. The only reason I am looking forward to you walking is that the germs you can pick up crawling around parks and public places (and soon to be airports and airplanes, ew) is pretty gross. Walking would be far more hygienic!

Teeth. Just noticed #7 coming in on the bottom. It doesn’t seem to bother you at all. Your top teeth are bigger each day and so flippin’ cute.

Weight. I just noticed that you are a pound lighter than you were at 11 months (down to 19 lbs from 20 lbs) which is confusing. Of course 20 lbs was my calculation using our home scale and 19 was the doctor’s. So who knows. You are definitely not a chubby kid.

Cloth diapers. When you pee it smells like ammonia. WTF? Other than that, cloth diapers are going very well. I’m grateful that your father handles most of the gross ones. You are way too regular, buddy. Everyone complains when their baby is constipated but this has literally NEVER happened to you.

Baby sign language. FINALLY you are not only signing, but signing consistently!! At 11 months you were starting to do it here and there, but now you sign “milk” to me every time you want to nurse. Since you have a cold right now, that has been pretty much constant. You crawl into my arms, look right at me and sign “milk” with a smile before throwing yourself onto my chest. You also do the sign for “eat” as soon as I put you into your high chair. You know what’s up. However, you still don’t do “more” probably because you know hitting the table and/or yelling gets you more food anyway. We probably should’ve reinforced that sign more 🙂 oh well! You also sign “light” consistently since you are obsessed with turning lights on and off. Oh, and “tree” though this might just be you reaching up to try to touch trees all the time? But it looks like the sign for “tree” anyway 🙂 I feel so happy that you are signing since it was hard for me not to feel discouraged when other friends had their babies signing back around 9 months and you weren’t even attempting it then. Especially if you oral language skills are slow to develop,  I think signing will help us.

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opening and closing his hand when i turned on the light to sign “light”

Talking. “Mama” if officially your first word. For awhile you were “mamamamama”-ing all the time but now  it’s is clearly an intentional use of “Mama” while reaching for me (though you still do babble with “mammamama” a lot, too). Your father claims you say other words but I think he hears what he wants to hear, if you know what I mean. You do repeat intonation and sounds, so maybe that’s what he means. I can only vouch for “mama.”

New tricks. Your motor skills have made a huge leap this past month. You spot the tiniest things from across the room (blueberry, piece of dust, etc) and can pick them up with your thumb and index finger. You stack your colored rings and actually do it over and over until you do them in order. You’ve never done all 5 in order but you do 3 and sometimes 4. You love putting things into boxes or baskets or cabinets, dropping books behind your bookshelf and then pulling them out again, putting lids/caps on things and feeling so proud when you do it, collecting items on your walker like it’s a shopping cart and then pushing them around, etc. You love music and shake pill bottles, rattles, drinks, etc. and smile and dance. You dance while playing the piano or if I put on any type of music from Raffi to classical to “What Does the Fox Say?”

As for me. Aside from just getting over a terrible cold, I feel great. I actually had an awesome realization the other day: I am happy with my body and I eat ice cream every night. I had this realization during a team meeting at work the other day when we had to go around and share guilty pleasures. I was having trouble thinking of one. One of my co-workers goes “Oh, duh Carly, ice cream! You are always eating ice cream.” And I was just like, “Umm, but why would I feel guilty about that?!” It’s just a pleasure, not a guilty one. And the reason I feel happy with my body is not because I look amazing, but I finally have an exercise routine of yoga and running that I genuinely enjoy and helps alleviate stress. I feel so much stronger and flexible than I was just a few months ago.

What else? Oh, yesterday we got really, really, REALLY bad news about our house which means our move-in will be pushed back another month… or two. It’s hard not to feel depressed about this. My entire paycheck each month literally goes into the house. This recent development means not only a lot of $$$ but ripping up some work that we’ve already done on the house that was $$$ and then having to re-do it for more $$$. F everything, for real. We have basically no money to buy Christmas presents for anyone so I hope everyone is cool with something ugly and homemade by me.

Whatever, Hafiz is the only reason I can’t even be that upset. We are so blessed. Whatever.

c

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it was a double bday celebration for hus & hafiz

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post-party showing my minimal decorations

YOU TURNED ONE!!

last wednesday and we celebrated on sunday but i can’t do your 12-months-post justice right now since i’m sick sick sick and going to bed at 8pm to hopefully wake up tomorrow less sick and able to go into work. (i went in today and then left — my co-workers literally kicked me out of the door because i looked such a hot mess.) i can’t believe you are a year old. this is nuts.

11 MONTHS! also known as ALMOST 1 YEAR OLD!

OHHH Hafiz, Hafiz, Hafiz!! This update is coming a bit late because the last month has been a particularly crazy-busy one, but I can’t drop the ball now as we are just weeks away from you being ONE year old! GAHHH!!

You become increasingly fun and bursting with more personality every day. Sometimes I get home from school and feel like you suddenly seem WAY older than the day before. It’s also way more chill to be around you all day, during those rare weekends that you and I just get to hang out the entire time. You are happy to come on errands, go out to lunch or dinner, chill in the carseat, be pushed in the stroller, or just crawl around the house destroying everything in your path. If the house was more childproofed then we would have no issues, because you rarely get in those really needy, hold-me-constantly type moods. Only in the evening when you are tired, really. Or random teething days, which very likely includes today 🙂 But otherwise, you’d rather be Mr. Independent — crawling, climbing and cruising around. However, that isn’t to say you like to be alone. NO. You want us around, like in the same room or in the next room over where you know you can pop in and see us. Your father especially would love to be able to leave you safely in your room alone for a bit but right now? Hell no. You will cry and scream bloody murder. Really hoping we can work on this, even just 5-10 minutes of you  being alone would be nice.

Okay, let’s get an update on you.

Sleep. You still wake up freakishly early. Like, 5:30am is sleeping in. And there have been some random nights here and there where you’ll wake up in the middle of the night. I let you cry a bit and wait and see what happens. Often you’ll go back to sleep but, for instance, last night you were freaking out so I had to go in. Can’t figure out what it is (didn’t eat enough yesterday? teething? who knows) but I’m not stressing about these random wakeful nights as long as they don’t become our new normal. Naps are still awesome, and essential since you don’t get quite enough night sleep with your early wake time. I have been keeping you up later and later because I just love to see you when I get home from work. While you once went down between 6:30 and 7 is now more like 7:30.

FOOD. You will never say no to food. I am afraid of you becoming a future competitive eater. We need to cut you off. I didn’t anticipate needing to buy significantly more groceries for you but we really do. All of your food allergies seem to have chilled out and you eat a bit of egg each day with no hives (PHEW!) but avocado now gives you a face rash. If we were in Mexico I’d be super mad about this, but since avocados are expensive here and taste awful, it’s no big deal. I hope you grow out of it though. You are nursing/taking bottles way more than I feel that an almost-one-year-old should. But the fact that you are eating a ton AND drinking bottles or nursing makes me hesitant to cut back. I don’t understanding weaning at all and should probably create a plan. It’s hard to have it be baby-led when I’m pumping 3x a day. Actually I’m mostly at 2x a day now because of my crazy school schedule.

Mobility. I don’t see you walking very soon, but you did get two walkers last weekend (both as hand-me-downs from friends) and will walk around with those and look flippin’ adorable. You prefer crawling for sure though, as you have become a speed demon. And you still love climbing everything.

Teeth. I made a mistake when I said last month that you had 3 teeth on the bottom – that was a typo – so last month you actually had 3 on top, 2 on bottom and now it’s 4 on top and still just 2 on bottom. So 6 in all. And the top front teeth keep coming out more and more and making your smile look more grown up. You love biting us. Not cool. Fortunately it’s rarely while nursing – my nipples haven’t been attacked yet – but you will full on bite my toe, leg, shoulder, etc and it HURTS. I usually yell “no” in pain and then you cry. :/

Weight. 20 lbs!!! All this food and my milk supply going up has made a huge difference!

Cloth diapers. Same as before. Going well but I really can’t deal with the poop situation. I bought liners but they irritated your butt. I’m grateful your father deals with most of these icky situations.

Baby sign language. YOU ARE FINALLY SIGNING!!! It’s not consistent but you are definitely doing the sign for milk and light. And sometimes waving bye. And I think the sign for “change” (when we change your diaper) but I can’t be sure of that one, might be my imagination/coincidence. You still refuse to do “food” or “more” which is ironic because those are the ones we do most frequently AND you clearly have a huge interest in both of those things. But you are stubborn and insist that banging on the table means “more” – and will prob continue doing that since, of course, it works for ya.

Talking. You are sorta starting to repeat sounds we say once in awhile, and saying stuff that occasionally sounds like words, but really it’s just babble. You are loud though and clearly trying to communicate. It’s the best 🙂

As for me. Overwhelmed by work. Missing you a lot. Appreciating every second with you. Dreaming a lot about a future time when things will be more relaxed, yet also trying to enjoy the present as I realize how fleeting each moment is with you. Super emotional about you turning one. CAN’T DEAL WITH IT. We are trying to move into the new house for your birthday and it’s overly ambitious. We’ll see what happens.

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10 months, yo.

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Pictures from Iliza’s wedding which was on September 6th, a week before you turned 10 months! 

HAFIZ! You are 10 months old. I can’t handle how fast time is going. Since I’ve gone back to work it’s definitely going even faster which is so not cool. I am still a little sick and way too busy right now so I’m gonna make this fast.

Sleep. Has been pretty good. Ever since we cried it out last month you sleep through the night, but often you wake up disturbingly early and I never quite know how to deal with it since I like to wake you up uncomfortable early anyway. Like, You will wake up at 4:45 but I wake you up at 5:30 so it seems ridiculous to let you cry from 4:45 all the way to possibly 5:30, ya know? Sometimes you will sleep all the way until 5:30 or even 6AM without waking up. 6AM makes me sad though because then I don’t get to see you – I just nurse you and run out the door. At least with your early wake-ups I nurse you, dress you and we eat breakfast together (sharing a flaxseed-capomo-pumpkin muffin and goat milk yogurt ) before I leave.

Nom nom nom. Boy, you are an EATER. Everything I read about Baby Led Weaning said that you should just let a baby feed themselves to their heart’s content but I’ve found I really do need to cut you off because otherwise you will out-eat me, easily. One time this month you actually threw up for the first time, probably from eating too much (and then getting in your car seat for an hour, my fault there). You are obsessed with cherry tomatoes from Grandma’s garden, spicy foods, warm foods and crunchy textures. My supply is back up now thanks to a hospital-grade pump that I’m borrowing from my neighbor, so you are getting plenty of milk, 5 nursings/bottles a day.

Crawling/walking. You aren’t walking, but are definitely getting better and better at standing up and then going hands free for a bit. I don’t worry about you falling now since you safely get to your butt every time.  You crawl so fast and are obsessed with climbing everything. I had to move some furniture in your room because you were close to scaling the side of your bookshelf which would be undoubtedly dangerous. I love this crawling stage as it is just freakishly adorable. But when you walk you will look like a little person and my heart will explode, I’m sure.

Teeth. You have 5! 2 top, 3 bottom, and possibly almost 6 as I keep thinking I see another bursting through.

Weight. At 9.5 months, you were only 17 lbs. I feel like from 10 months on you will gain more though because now you are getting a bit more milk with my supply being up and eating crazy amounts of food.

Cloth diapers. Still loving them, probably since I’m not the one having to deal with your 2-3 solid disgusting poops/day. Gross. Hus has fun with these, haha. You always leave one for me in the evening though. THANKS.

Baby sign language. Accepting that you’ll probably never sign back, but thats okay! I have a feeling you’ll be a late talker so the signs might come in handy later when you really want to communicate but don’t have the words yet. You communicate your needs really well w/o sign language these days.

Likes. Climbing up and down the stairs over and over and over and over again, taking every clothing item out of my drawers or his clothing boxes, peek-a-boo, going down the big slide at the park (ON HIS OWN… hus did this with him, not me, I could never) and then climbing up it, eating anything and everything in excess, strangers (finally he is becoming more social w/ new faces). Car trips that are under 3 hours.

Dislikes. Diaper changes. Napping with me, recently. He naps great for Husein all week but when I’m home on the weekends I follow the exact same schedule and he SCREAMS. So we know it’s me. He’s actually screaming right now. Awesome! LONG road trips, he gets pissed. Sometimes he’ll arch his back and scream when we’re putting him in the stroller now, but we just force him in and as soon as we’re moving he chills out.

As for me. Doing a little better with work/life balance for sure. Still not going to claim that this schedule is sustainable at all but I did leave early on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday (so 3:15PM) this week and it felt sooo nice. On those days, it was the perfect amount of quality time with Hafiz before his bedtime. This makes me realize that if I taught at a normal school where the kids are there 8-2:30 or 9-3:30 or whatever, I would be totally happy now. Too bad I teach at the most intense school ever. Husein and I have been thinking a lot about what we really need to be happy in terms of daily schedules/routines, time with family, doing meaningful work and also earning $$$. We both really miss traveling and loved how easy it was when we were living abroad, and we also want Hafiz to grow up experiencing many different kinds of people, languages and cultures. At the same time, I don’t want him to feel like he’s constantly being uprooted. Both Hus and I know what our ideal situation would be: half the year abroad, half the year in the US. A few families that we taught in Sayulita did this. For instance, Nov-Apr in Mexico and the rest of the year back in California or whatever. I don’t know what the hell kinds of jobs these people had (online stuff? they were clearly well off as you pretty much have to be!)  but it was a pretty bad-ass situation. As a teacher, I hated it because it meant students either coming late or leaving early in the school year, but the kids themselves were obviously thriving.

Just something I’m thinking about today!

Oh, and this beautiful post about babies and self-soothing:

http://www.onbeing.org/blog/learning-to-self-soothe-and-surrender/6775

Alright, it’s Saturday and I have laundry to do and a baby to love.

xoxo

c

 

9 FREAKING MONTHS OLD

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HAFIZ!!! 

You are 9 months old! WHAT!? Out of me for as long as you were in me. Funny how time during pregnancy inched by so unbelievably slowly and now, with you in my life, time is flying by at a terrifying pace. Woooosh. 

So much has happened in your last month of life. To both of us. It’s actually kind of ridiculous. Let’s lay it out. 

SLEEP was not good for most of this past month. After the vacation madness I got you down to one hungry wake up a night but then that was starting to become two again a few weeks later at the same time that I started work (perhaps it was related and you just missed me and wanted to see me at night? who knows.) and my exhaustion was getting out of control. So last weekend we did cry-it-out and you figured out what you had to do almost immediately and the max you cried was 20 min, two times. I am still in that “did this really work?” state of shock and awe but I haven’t had to nurse you at all between the hours of 6:30/7pm and 6am for the past week and when you do wake up in the night you just cry a little and then fall back asleep. And the past two nights you haven’t woken up at all! So I hope that sticks. THANK YOU HAFIZ!! Being well-rested is changing my life, making my work days far more bearable. And you are napping much better too! I guess sleep does beget sleep. I never really believed that. 

EATING has made crazy leaps and bounds this month as well!! You eat 2-3 meals a day and will eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING put in front of you, though you definitely show your preferences. Basically meat and cheese are always a hit. And let’s just put it out there that you’re obsessed with hot dogs. Please god let hot dogs (organic all beef! and cut up appropriately into non-chocking hazards) be ok to give to babies. Your diapers are never liquid-y now which is a gross way to communicate how much solid food you are eating. Your nursing/bottles are very scheduled now that I’m at work so they go: 6am nurse, 9am bottle (4oz or 5oz if i’m lucky to pump that much!!!), 12pm bottle (between 3-5 oz depending on my lactation skillz), 3pm bottle (this one is almost always 3oz, womp womp). Then you nurse the second I come in the door at 5:30 because you basically fuss until I let you. More on that later in this post. So you nurse a little then and then nurse more at bedtime, which is 6:30ish. And then you sleep the whole, glorious night without nursing yayyyy. 

CRAWLING at about 8.5 months you started army crawling everywhere for a week, and then it became a legit Pampers-commercial style crawl. You are a pro and go everywhere frighteningly fast. However, of course, as expert of a crawler you are, you would rather be standing so you are constantly pulling up on anything and everything to stand. It scares me because you like to pull up to stand and then go one handed and then suddenly lift up that one hand and then you, of course, fall. Usually safely, onto your butt, but sometimes not so safely. Oh well, you need to learn I guess. 

TEETH now you have two on the bottom!! At 8 months you had just one but the next one erupted next to it a week or so later. You really know how to use those bad boys and bite off chunks of cheese stick, steak, etc. 

WEIGHT your dad is taking you to your 9 month appointment on Wednesday so we’ll find out the stats!! I’m so curious!

CLOTH DIAPERS still working great, though ugh solid-ish poop is GROSS. dislike! oh your poor grandma, who has been watching you the past two weeks, is really not a fan of scraping your diapers. i have been meaning to find a better system for this and actually get my act together and order rice paper liners or a diaper sprayer buuuuuut (butt, haha) just not in my top 5 priorities right now. sorry grandma! and soon husein!

BABY SIGN LANGUAGE still little indication that you know or care about signing but we’ll continue to do it anyways! i would really like to keep it up because i have a feeling you’ll be a late talker so i hope to provide you with a way to communicate before the language ability comes. you have your own way of communicating things that isn’t baby sign language. we’ve determined for sure that “mamamamamama” is “i want” – often it’s that you want me so i feel like you’re saying my name but the reality is it’s what you say for lots of things that you want. you still communicate wanting to go to sleep by sucking your thumb and putting your head on my chest. which kills me every time. oh and you definitely grab at my boobs/pull at my shirt when you want to nurse, and just kind of weasel your way into nursing position in my lap. often you will get into nursing position yourself and then just suck your thumb there. you clearly find a lot of comfort in nursing and it makes me feel happy that i’m still continuing to do it even as it has become so inconvenient.

 

LIKES playing catch! we throw this awesome ball (that i got at the teacher supply store) back and forth, and he smiles so big when i catch it after he “throws” it (drops it really). still loves to attempt to devour plastic. loves the swing at the park!!! loves hyperventilating/snorting while laughing and AHHHH it’s the best. i need to get it on video to make me happy when skies are grey. ummm, attempting to stand up at all times. chewing crazily on his old pacifiers. reading books! always a reliable way to calm him down. 

 

DISLIKES being tired. being left alone (except in his bed before going to sleep, then he’s perfectly content). diaper and clothing changes. 

AS FOR ME Like I said, I’ve been back at work and feel pretty stressed since the beginning of the school year, especially in a new position and a new school, is just super super rough. And it’s even more rough at this school since it’s an extremely competitive type of environment. But… I am committed to appreciating Hafiz as much as possible and keeping my cool when things are hard. 

Come September, I will be able to leave school at 3pm 2 or 3 days a week, which I am really looking forward to because right now, by the time I get home, Hafiz is super exhausted and just wants to be held by me, nurse or suck his thumb, and go to sleep. My mom laughs every day when it happens because apparently he doesn’t suck his thumb all day, but then as soon as he sees me he just crawls right into my arms and sucks away. He obviously associates me with relaxation/sleep. But I also miss playing with him! I only get to really play with him and watch him crawl around and discover things on the weekend. It sucks. 

I was also having a milk supply scare this past week. I usually get ~12 oz/day at work and then suddenly I started getting 9oz/day!! UGH. So I bought Motherlove’s More Milk Plus and it worked immediately – the next day I got 14oz! I am going to keep taking it. Woohoo!

Anyway, I met most of my students and their families on Wednesday and now classes are starting Monday. I’m very very very very anxious but trying to keep calm. The amount of work I’m doing is really kind of insane. Like all I can do is laugh because its so ridiculous sometimes. I had to go in today (Saturday) and will have to tomorrow as well. Boooo. I really hope I can make this more sustainable as time passes….

SIGH

sleepy

xoxo

c